I hate them. I hate them all. And just as much, I hate the students who managed to get accepted. Fuck them too.
So now my only option is an R2, or nothing at all. Not a single professor in the social department there has published in one of the major journals. Not one article in JPSP. Not even ONE.
I'm trying to figure out what this means. Am I not supposed to be on an R1 career track, and that's why this is happening to me? Or am I not supposed to do this at all right now, possibly ever? I guess I have to wait until I fly out to visit R2 to find out.
But here's the real kicker - I don't have an official acceptance from THEM yet, either! They want to make sure I share interests with at least 2 faculty members before it becomes official. And I'll be honest with you - it's going to be a little bit of a stretch. And with no fucking access to non-major journals right now, I'm a bit screwed for doing background research on these folks before I go.
I'm not getting my hopes up this time. It's possible that I might go out there and absolutely love the department, the students, the city, etc. It's also possible that I might go out there and hate it. It's also possible that I'll like it out there, but when August comes around and I have to pack up all my shit and move to the other side of the country I'll chicken out and decide to stay right here.
There is something about knowing that I wasn't good enough for a SINGLE R1 that is really, really fucking pissing me off right now. And I think once I make my final decision I'm going to call them all out on the carpet here for a shit-slinging session.