And sometimes I feel like they're right - how can I complain that I'm sad because my husband is gone when I voluntarily left him back in July?
But there are a couple of major differences between then and now. First and foremost, we are happier now than we have ever been in our entire lives. We relish every second we get to spend together, we've stopped sweating the small stuff - we've been actively IN LOVE with each other every minute of every day. When we were having difficulty getting along and not taking each other for granted, the maximum time we had ever spent apart was 5 days. Which brings me to the second difference.....
When we were separated and every other time in the past that we have not shared a roof for the night, we have always been separated by a simple phone call. At the time I moved out I only moved 3 miles away. We could reach each other. This time I don't have that option. No phone calls. No e-mails. No car rides. Not even plane rides. If I have an emergency (life-threatening only), I need to go through the Red Cross. That's right - even if I get in a car accident and find myself on my deathbed, I cannot call my husband directly.
It's fucking scary.
But while it's going to be very difficult for me, there are many families out there (way too many) who have it much, much worse. My husband is not going into a war zone. He's not being shipped out to Iraq or Afghanistan. And my heart breaks for those people and even more so for those who have lost a family member or friend under those circumstances. I can't even imagine the pain.
I will likely continue to lament my situation on this blog throughout the next 6 months, but this is a personal journey for me. I do not and will not in any way compare my circumstances to those people who have real concerns and fears for their loved ones. I am very lucky that his safety is not in question. I will just miss him terribly.
In the meantime and in hopes of lightening the tone I have set with this post, here is the list of things I hope to do in order to occupy my time:
- Play Tiger Woods Golf for Wii until my arm falls off or I can hit a 450yd drive (whichever comes first). Right now my record is 323yds and I'm averaging 292.
- Become ambidextrous so that I can use the still-attached arm to play TopSpin 3 Tennis for Wii - until THAT one falls off (or I beat Federer).
- Write 3 good, quality research proposals that I can use for graduate school based on existing ideas I have.
- Read the first 3 Proust novels that have been sitting on my bookshelf mocking me for 2 years now.
- Learn to play golf for Realz. (I made fun of golf my whole life until I got the damn wii.)
- Learn to play tennis for Realz. (And learn to keep the ball INside the fence.)
- Create at least 3 new variations of my Impeccable Risotto.
- Finish blog series on gender and the Top 25 cited articles in social psych.
And last, but most certainly not least:
GET INTO GRAD SCHOOL.
(or don't, and figure out New Plan)