A and I have started talking a little bit about the possibility of having a 2nd baby. This question isn't an easy one for us - on the one hand, we never intended to only have 1. But on the other hand, the desire to focus all of our attention and resources on D, my reluctance to undergo another c-section if the pregnancy came to that, as well as the still-fresh memories of colic and continuing sleep difficulties make the image of another baby a bit less than desirable.
If you had asked me a couple of years ago, I would have said I wanted 3 kids, each about 2 years apart. D is almost 9 months old and still nursing - a 2 year age gap would mean trying to get pregnant again right after his 1st birthday in June. That's a long-ass time for my body to not be my own. Selfish? Yeah, probably. But I'm human. I wonder if it's better to get it over with sooner or to take a break while planning on giving it up again in the future.
There are really only 2 reasons that come to mind for having another child:
1. Everyone I know who was an only child says they would give anything to have a brother or sister. I don't want D to grow up thinking he missed out on something; Which those of us with siblings have to admit, he would be missing out.
2. To avoid someday regretting that we didn't have another one. Selfish? Yup. But again, only human. I worry about potential regrets - things you can't take back or undo, missed chances. For me, they are the worst feelings in the world.
Sure, I could probably add others to the list, but these are really the only 2 that stand out consistently as important reasons, at least for us.
But I worry - can we handle it? How will I divide my attention? How will the timing work out? Will I still be able to work or would I have to quit? If I have to quit, can we really afford another one?
I mean shit, it's not like we have a college fund started for the one we have. (Note to self....should really look into that at some point......)
The timing thing really gets me. I love 3-4 year-olds. I can't wait for my son to reach that age so we can play with things like Legos and play-kitchens and all that. The thought of missing out on that time with my son because of a new baby in the house makes me sad. So I think to myself that a 2 year age gap would work, but if that didn't happen we would have to skip ahead to a 4-5 year age gap. But then I wonder - is that too far apart? My sister and I are 3 1/2 years apart and we're not all that close. I wonder how much of that has to do with age and how much of it has to do with her moving away with my mom when my parents divorced.
My husband and his brother are just about 2 years apart. They are also not close, but used to be. They have this competitive dynamic between them that just creates a major wedge. They can't talk about ANYthing in their lives without it becoming a contest somehow. I don't want that shit going down in my family.
I didn't love being pregnant. Most of the time, to be honest, I didn't even really like it. There were things that were cool, and many things that sucked. And I was lucky enough to have a very easy pregnancy, albeit one that culminated in a nightmare labor and delivery, but the prior 38 weeks were mostly a cakewalk. So I'm not one of those chicks who's like "Ooooh.....I can't wait to be pregnant again! It was the happiest time in my life!" No offense to any of you who ARE that chick, that's just not me.
Nor am I one of those chicks who's like "My baby's growing up so quickly......I just miss him/her being small and cuddly and I really want to have that again." Nope, again not me. I vividly remember the hours of my colicky infant screaming inconsolably and counting the days until the 12 week mark, saying to myself "That's when this is supposed to end.....3 months.......just make it to 3 months without killing yourself......." Then reaching 12 weeks and still no end in sight. It was about 15-16 weeks before it stopped. That was the longest 4 fucking month period of my entire life.
And sleeping. Ohmygod sleeping. This one could go either way - wait to have another one, get normal sleep back sooner but have to give it up again later, or be complete zombies for the next 2-3 years but get that part over and done with so by 2015 or so we can maybe get 8 hours a night every night. Be still my heart......just the thought makes me swoon!
I want to hear from the peanut gallery out there. If you have a post on your blog somewhere about your decision to have or not have another child, link up so I can go read it. If not, tell me about it here in the comments. For those of you with more than one - how'd you come to the decision if it was on purpose? What was the transition like to go from 1 to 2 kids? Did you purposely space them? If baby #2 was more of a "surprise" how did you react? If you only have one and only want the one, how did you arrive at that decision? Etc., Etc., etc.
Basically, tell me all about it folks.
Is He Salty?
1 day ago