D exploded this morning. And by "exploded" I mean blew up his diaper.
Yes, I am writing about poop.
No, I never thought poop would have a place for discussion on my blog. But here we are.
Now it was all the way up his back to his neck. His NECK, for god's sake! He was vertical all morning, not sure how that works. NASA should really look into the gravity-defying properties of poop, because man, is that stuff unequaled.
So I go to change him and as soon I take the diaper off, he PEES ALL. OVER. THE WALL.
I strip him down, throw the soiled clothes and stuff in the hamper, and then he PUKES on his bare chest.
I wipe him down, flip him over, clean off his back and neck, muttering to myself about pygmies and gypsies the whole time.
He rolls onto his back, butt-ass naked, toes in the air, junk all exposed, looks at me dead in the eye, smiles, and says for the first time:
1 day ago