Friday, January 21, 2011

The Sh*t Is Worth It

D exploded this morning. And by "exploded" I mean blew up his diaper.

Yes, I am writing about poop.

No, I never thought poop would have a place for discussion on my blog. But here we are.

Now it was all the way up his back to his neck. His NECK, for god's sake! He was vertical all morning, not sure how that works. NASA should really look into the gravity-defying properties of poop, because man, is that stuff unequaled.

So I go to change him and as soon I take the diaper off, he PEES ALL. OVER. THE WALL.

GodDAMMIT.

I strip him down, throw the soiled clothes and stuff in the hamper, and then he PUKES on his bare chest.

MotherF*CKER.

I wipe him down, flip him over, clean off his back and neck, muttering to myself about pygmies and gypsies the whole time.

He rolls onto his back, butt-ass naked, toes in the air, junk all exposed, looks at me dead in the eye, smiles, and says for the first time:

"Mama."


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9 comments:

Crafty Mommy said...

My son hasn't spoken yet, but he sure tries. It's those moments that make all the lost sleep and gross messes completely worth it.

Comrade PhysioProf said...

HAHAHAHAHAH!

Daily Dose of Dahl said...

Oh no - those situations are the worst (except for the mama part). The first time T blew out his diaper he was when we were driving from South Dakota to North Carolina. I heard the noise and thought - uh oh. It was another 25 miles before we could pull over and I dashed with the diaper bag and T into a truck stop bathroom. 20 minutes, an entire package of wipes, and a hefty amount of paper towels later, I carried T back to the car in just his diaper because I hadn't planned on needing another outfit. It was November and it was maybe 40 degrees. The looks I got! LOL - never again was the diaper bag without at least one change of clothes and ziplock bags for blowout clothes casualties. Good times!

Micro Dr. O said...

The trifecta followed by a "mama" - sounds like a perfect day in Mommy-Land to me. :)

Alyssa said...

Awwwww!! Definitely worth it. Glad to see you back blogging!

Hermitage said...

I'm really hoping you documented this with pictures so that when he turns into a cocky teenager you can pull the 'you were a walking nuclear bomb' card.

Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? said...

He recognized the rite of passage you just took. Diaper blowouts make the mom.

or...

He recognized that you were about to wrap him up in a basket and leave him on someone's doorstep, so he upped the cute, buying himself more time.

JLK said...

@Crafty Mommy & Dr. O. - Totally. Only problem is, now he goes "mamamamamama" when he's frustrated, so my husband's all "oh, he wants YOU" and hands him off. Gee, thanks.

@Dahl - My son has been blowing out diapers like it's his job so I get paranoid every time we leave the house. I practically bring his whole wardrobe, a box of diapers, and a 100ct refill pack of wipes because of a story I read once where a mom brought her baby to the grocery store, he blew up his diaper and she realized she had nothing with her. She carried him to the car naked, wrapped in paper towels from the women;s room, praying he wouldn't pee before they got to the car. LOL

@Alyssa - Thanks! And thanks for reading!

@Hermitage - I thought about it, but decided that keeping such gagworthy photos in my house is a bit too avant-garde, even for me. LOL

@Allison - I'm sure you're right. It was right about then that I was trying to figure out how one would go about getting in touch with a band of gypsies. lol

thebossofu.com said...

LMAO. Awesome. Just be sure you're not celebrating too early like I did. Turns out my kid nicknamed his bottle "mamas". I thought he really liked me for at least a month before I realized he just wanted me to pass the milk.
It is a very special moment, though, and it looks like it came just in time. ;)

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