Tuesday, May 5, 2009

JLK On The Treadmill

Brain: "Alright, I can totally do this. I can totally run for this whole song! This isn't so bad..."

Lungs: "Are you fucking kidding me?? Make it stop! Please, I beg you.....make it STOP! It huuurrrrtttsss!!!"

Brain: "But it's GOOD for you! You should love this! We're clearing out all the crap you've accumulated so you can breathe again!"

Lungs: "Breathe? You're a smoker for fuck's sake! Now stop screwing around and get off this thing so we can go have a cigarette."

Brain: "No. Keep going."

Heart: "You asshole. I hate you. I HATE YOU! Do you hear me???"

Brain: "I'm sorry, but it's good for you too. Can't you just cooperate with me?"

Heart: "Fuck you. So help me god, if you don't turn this thing down to 3mph RIGHT NOW I will kill you where you stand!"

Brain: "Noooooo goddammit! 45 more seconds! FUCK!"

Heart: "THUMP THUMP THUMP......that's your death march sounding, jackass...."

Brain: "Aaaah.......see? That wasn't so bad, was it? All done now!"

Heart: "Fuck you, JLK. Fuck you in the neck."

Lungs: "I hope you choke. In fact, here's a little help...."

Yup. Every other night I go through this shit. But this is my first screenplay on the subject.


Comrade PhysioProf said...



Ambivalent Academic said...


leigh said...

i wouldn't be arguing so much with the lungs, etc

mostly i think it would be the facet and sacroiliac joints. there is a reason i use the rowing machine instead! :)

Toaster Sunshine said...

I recently tried to use an elliptical runner and couldn't do it. I got it going, started wobbling, and that was it, I was laughing too hard to continue, especially when I found out you can also make it go backwards.

I'm thinking about going back to kick-boxing for that whole exercise thing.

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