But it's my blog, so fuck it.
I think the car accident pushed me to the edge of insanity. I was doing okay with the husband being gone, I was hanging in there. Then the major changes came down from my company and I was upset for a couple of days and got over it. But then that woman ran the stop sign, taking my car away from me, and I lost my shit.
I've been really nervous driving for the first time in my life. I see people constantly doing stupid shit - running stop signs and red lights, pulling out into oncoming traffic, etc. And I get really, really angry because their stupidity is compromising MY safety and well-being.
My little sister has become a traffic vigiliante, which I love. She got herself some glass chalk, and when someone parks all crooked and what not in the parking lot at her work, she'll write things like "You park like an asshole" on their driver's side window. Guess what. You can't just wipe that shit off with your sleeve, which means that person had to drive home with that written on their car. Public humiliation is a great deterrant to doing stupid things. My sister is a genius.
The other day I saw a woman trying to park this big-ass SUV. I don't remember what it was, but it was much, much, much bigger than mine and much taller. Like a Ford Explorer on full-size truck tires or something. Either way, she couldn't park the damn thing even though the space next to her was vacant. All I could think was if I had some glass chalk, I would wait for her to go inside, and then write on the car window "If you can't park it, you shouldn't drive it."
Seriously, I could spend my whole summer driving around watching for stupid and reckless people and then write messages on their car windows telling them what fucking douchebags they are. I'm considering making it my new hobby.
Anyway, so yesterday my nerves were all sorts of shot from driving around in my mom's car and people just driving around me like this town is the site of a demolition derby. I come home to discover that Husband's Scary Reptile is hungry. Which means I have to feed it. Which means I have to open the cage and insert dead animals. Which means I have to put my life at risk for a few minutes. Yikes.
I didn't have the dead animals to feed her last night and planned to go get them today (which I did). She was all sorts of active in her cage, and while I was trying to sleep last night it suddenly occurred to me that she might break out of her cage in order to get some food. Husband has assured me multiple times that she can't break out of this cage, but I'm not so sure. And we have cats. For scary reptile, cats = food. Their litter box is down in the basement where scary reptile is kept. In my extreme anxiety, I felt the need to go downstairs, get the litterbox, bring it upstairs, and lock the cat door so the cats can't get to the basement. Just in case. Only then was I able to sleep.
But today I have to feed her once the dead animals are dethawed. And I am very, very nervous about doing this. I am making Husband call me and I am going to put him on speaker phone while I do it. I figure if I stop responding to him, he'll know something is wrong and can hang up and dial 911 and animal control.
Fuck. I really want him to get rid of this pet. I can't deal with losing sleep over it anymore.
So right now I am nervous to drive, depressed because I don't have my car or my husband, anxious about feeding this damned reptile, and on the border of going insane.
And if I get the job at SFRSHS West, I will have to MOVE this scary reptile to the other side of the country. My heart pounds just at the thought.
15 comments:
It's not that we don't like hearing about your life- it's just the gender psychology/sociology stuff you write is Really Good.
Plus, when life is sucky it can be hard for random internet persons to know what sort of support and/or encouragement would be most useful.
I will say not to blame yourself for being jumpy though- that's normal. I'm actually impressed you can hold it together enough to keep driving (the only accident I've been in where that kind of damage was done to my car was when I was 16, and I stopped driving for about 5 years because of it).
My state has the worst motherfucking drivers I have ever seen in my entire fucking life.
I've been in a couple of accidents (none of which I was driving) and I was always jumpy after them.
Good luck feeding the scary reptile. That does not sound like fun.
If this reptile is what I think it is you are 99% safe as long as you don't smell like said dethawed dead animal. And don't act scared? I know that may be hard to do but as long as you don't act like bait or smell like bait it's probs not interested in you.
<--Adores large scary reptiles. Except their poop. Their poop is a nuclear weapon, srsly.
What kind of reptile is it?? I am really curious.
I lived with a boyfriend for a couple of years who had some pretty scary reptiles, including several poisonous snakes and a huge Nile monitor, which is like a smaller version of a Komodo dragon. After he moved out the monitor did escape once, into his NYC neighborhood. When he got a call from a neighbor to come get him, "Necky" was surrounded by four men, one holding an empty garbage can that they were unsuccessfully trying to trap him under. Yeah I was relieved when that ended.
Hope you are not still hurting physically. Accidents and crazy drivers suck.
Oh fuck it, like telling you what kind of reptile it is will somehow compromise my anonymity.
It's a 7 ft long Columbian Red-Tail Boa with an attitude. I loved the thing when she was a baby, but once she reached adult size I was like "Fuck this shit."
@Isabel - my car is a tank and has somehow kept me safe through a whole bunch of bullshit. I wasn't even sore the day after, so I'm extremely grateful for that. But at the same time I consider myself extremely lucky and I think that's what makes me so nervous to be driving now. Especially in my mom's Hyundai. LOL
Well, a 7-foot boa is very powerful and could give you a fierce and painful bite, but I believe that's the worst that can happen!* You should still be able to dial 911 yourself. But personally I would still want to do the speaker phone thing.
*At least for you, not the cats that is. I'm sure the cage is secure, but obviously you will have to open it to feed the thing. At least they don't eat very often. Looking forward to hearing how it goes, please let us know! Should be a good story anyway :)
Glad to hear your car (and undoubtedly your youth and fitness) protected you.
Wow, feeding that thing sounds like a scary task. Make sure you have a nice reward for you, for doing it!
I would definitely have gone and got the cat's litter trays too, I mean, once the thought had enetered my head, I wouldn't have been able to sleep thinking about it, however unlikely it was, so that was a sensible move.
you are a psych grad??? ahahaha why dont u help YOURSELF??? all i see is whining and bitching... this isnt right and that aint right..somebody hold my hand...blah blah
@Anonymous
Don't be such a fucking tool.
JLK can communicate however she wants. Being a psych grad, she understands that this kind of discussion can be healthy.
If you don't like it, don't read it. The rest of us enjoy her perspective.
Thank you, WhiteCoat.
@ Anonymous - It's my fucking blog, and I can whine or bitch or whatever as I feel the need or desire. My education in psychology has nothing at all to do with feeling anxiety after a car accident or dealing with my husband's pet snake. Perhaps if you weren't such an asshole, you would be socializing instead of trolling blogs at 2am. And yes, that's my opinion as a social psychologist.
oh honey, i'm sorry you're feeling on edge like this. yikes. the drivers out there are fucking numnuts, it's fucking absolutely insane and i hated it when i was out there.
you should move to NewJobCity, where everyone drives like they're high on pot (i.e. really really really mellow). :)
when do you hear about job at SFRHS West (did i get the acronym right?)
Anonymous: thank you for making the internet a more unpleasant place to be.
JLK: do you have to heat the mammals? Or just thaw? And do not worry, I myself have cuddled with 7 foot reptiles many a time. They ain't so bad. Just keep in mind that it's all limbic lobe and no cortex.
@Isabel - The biggest threat about the boa is not the bite, but the idea of her wrapping herself around a limb, my waist, or worse, my neck. Because she could kill a human. She couldn't eat me, but she could suffocate me or crush my ribs. It always reminds me of the Shel Silverstein poem: "Oh heck, it's up to my neck!"
But I did feed her with a friend there for moral support. All went well except when I closed the cage door, she struck at the glass and I froze. I was like "WTF you stupid snake!? I just gave you food and now you're being an asshole!!" I was pissed.
@Phizzle - I was supposed to hear about a second interview at the end of last week but haven't heard anything, so I'm guessing in the next couple of days.
@Sci - I just have to thaw them. She's never been fed live which is why the striking thing pisses me off so much. She doesn't strike at her food, she just gobbles it so in my opinion, her strikes = angry attacks.
"Just keep in mind that it's all limbic lobe and no cortex." <---- LOVE this, never thought of it that way. lol
Maybe the snake was expressing some resentment because you are not doting on her as much as your husband does? ;)
JLK, I have never heard of boas being threatening to adult humans before! Perhaps it's possible that she could strangle you, though I'm not convinced about even that, but I think the chance of that actually occurring is the stuff of horror movies, not everyday reality.
I just did a quick google check, and couldn't find any evidence of boas seriously injuring or killing an adult human (or any human). I think you are safe.
Glad the feeding went well.
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