Now before I do this, y'all should know that, in general, I don't give a fuck about being "green." Yes, insensitive and selfish, I know. But when you do a little investigating, you find out that recycling doesn't actually do us any good (it's inefficient, it wastes more energy and creates more pollution than using new materials, and it doesn't even save us money). You also find out that the so-called "landfill crisis" is also bullshit. You also find out that you can get environmental activists to sign a petition to ban "dihydrogen monoxide" without lying to them about what it is, where it's found, or what it does. It's water, folks - H20.
I've got an episode of Penn & Teller Bullshit! for each one of these, if you're into the watered-down, foul-mouthed analyses that I am so fond of.
All of this, of course, is incredibly ironic when you consider that I am married to an aspiring bio-environmental engineer who is very into water conservation and alternative energy. But I digress.
So there are still things that I am willing to do under the premise of "saving the earth." But I am not a tree-hugger, I will never live off of the land or in a house made of trash, and I will never give up my mid-size SUV - I feel it is enough of a sacrifice to not be driving around in a Trans Am. Though I would trade it in for the hybrid version if I could afford it. I can't.
My contributions to the Earth Day resolutions:
Small - I will stop using paper towels to clean every surface in my house and as the primary means for drying my hands every time I wash them. I will resign myself to using cloth towels and sponges (yuck!) for these tasks.
Big - When it's warm enough out, I will start walking to the stores I frequent that are within a reasonable distance to my house.
Biggest - JLK drinks a lot. Okay, not a LOT, like you don't need to worry about checking me into rehab anytime soon. But I do drink quite often. I will stop buying 12pks of glass bottles and instead will switch to the bigger sized bottles that contain more than twice as much liquid and don't come in cardboard boxes. If this means that JLK will be seen leaving the liquor store double-fisting forties of malt liquor - so be it. It will cut down my glass disposal by, well, like a lot.
Just doin' my part. ;)