Besides, I had the Worst Day Ever, and I'm hoping this might cheer me up a little bit.
First things first. I only buy 2 brands of jeans - Hydraulic and Se7en. I'm not talking the Se7en jeans that are super expensive - rather the Blue Label line that you can get at Kohls or whatever decent department store is near you.
I have turned jeans-buying into a science of its own right. Why? Because you need some motherfucking data to be able to go out and buy jeans efficiently. Otherwise you'll be in a fitting room all afternoon and still leave the store empty-handed.
But I have got this stuff figured out to the point where I can buy jeans online.
Yup, you read that right. I can buy them ONLINE, without trying them on first.
I'm going to give you what I look for in a pair of jeans so that those of you out there who don't have the same body type won't waste your time trying to make my stuff work for you.
1. I look for low-rise so that they don't cut into me when I sit down. Also, even though I have hips, I have a pretty slim waist and it's nearly impossible to make higher-rise jeans fit my properly. Look for "real" low-rise in the juniors department. The women's so-called low rise will be about 2 inches higher on average. Anything less than an 8inch rise should work, and they give the rise info online.
2. I have long legs and can't stand for my jeans to creep up over my ankles when I sit down. I'm just about 5'6, but I look for at least a 32" inch inseam, prefer 33". Se7en jeans are nearly always at least 33", many of them are 34".
3. Unless you never wear sneakers, bootcut jeans are a waste of money. Why? Because they'll bunch up around the ankles if you wear sneakers and look stupid. I buy flares or wide-legs ONLY. Not only do they highlight the figure and minimize the hips, but they look just as good with sneakers as they do with boots or heels.
Onto the jeans I most recently purchased and am absolutely in love with:
Figure 1: Se7en Crosshatch Flare Jeans, on sale for $39.99 at Kohls.
Figure 2: Se7en Fashion Flare Jeans, on sale for $39.99 at Kohls.
Figure 3 (sorry for the size): Hydraulic Lola Fit (for girls with curves), on sale at Amazon.com for $29.99.
Figure 4: Hydraulic Premium Crosshatch Denim Lola Fit Basic 5-pocket jean, on sale for $23.99 at Amazon.com.
I literally own all 4 pairs of these jeans. They have stretch, they have style, they are comfortable and sexy as hell.
I recommend anyone who is looking for jeans right now to show off the junk in your trunk, go with one (or more) of these 4 styles. You won't regret it.
Oh, and report back!