Friday, April 22, 2011

Nature 1. JLK 0.

I grew up in a medium-sized city. As an adult, I lived in a large town/suburb where my husband and I had a condo with a very small yard. Back in November, we moved to a town that can only be described as rural. Although it is really only separated by 9 miles and a large river from where we used to live, it is an entirely different setting.

We have an acre of land with woods and a small mountain behind our property. We have deer, owls, all sorts of cool animals living around here. I have seen more species of birds on my bird feeders in the past 2 weeks than I have seen in my entire life. Since spring began, I've been all "Yay! Nature! I'm going to start GARDENING and shit!"The original owners of our house spent a lot of money on landscaping at one point, but it's been neglected for awhile and the yard is kind of a mess.

The bird feeder next to my patio area.

Despite the fact that I have never really been a person who gardens or does any kind of dirty outdoor work, I felt myself getting really into the idea of doing stuff outside. I bought garden tools, decided to start a compost heap.......I was feeling very GREEN.

Yesterday, as I headed out to the side property line to start my compost heap, bag of cantaloupe rind, strawberry tops, and various other refuse in hand, I thought to myself "You know, I haven't really had an issue with any bugs turning me off to being outside yet. Other than the annoying gnats, I'm doing okay!"


That afternoon, I went to move a small pile of debris from the concrete pad that is going to become my little hideaway/patio area, and I encountered a wolf spider. A big one. I was going to put a picture here, but they freaked me out too much and couldn't do it. Feel free to google an image and see for yourself. I'll wait.


Fucking GROSS, right????

I was like "Holy shit! I am so DONE right now. Won't do that again!" And I promptly moved to a different area of the yard and left my pile of shit right where it was.

This morning I noticed that the top of my right ass cheek/hip felt really bruised and painful. "WTF?" I thought. So I pulled aside my pajama pants and saw a variation of this:

No, that's not my ass. That's someone else's pic. I was too busy screaming to take a photo.

I freaked the freak out, called my husband, and made him come home from work and remove it. 20 minutes and much whining later, he had removed the deer tick's body and all the legs. 

But the fucking head is still in there. In my ass cheek. In my FREAKING ASS CHEEK!

I called my doctor and she said to just let it work its way out, but if it was really bothering me I could come in and she would excavate it. I decided to stop being a wuss for now and see how much it's bugging me by Monday. 

Seriously, though. WTF.

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Anonymous said...

Ewwwwww, I hate ticks (and spiders). I use to get them on me all the time at my grandpa's farm in East Texas. Once I came in from the pasture (where I waasn't supposed to be) and found my legs COVERED in ticks. I cried for an hour while my grandma pried them all off in the bath.

Daily Dose of Dahl said...

This post? Serves as absolute proof and validation that spending time in nature is overrated unless it's cold enough to deter spiders, ticks, and bugs. But then it's too cold to really enjoy being outside.

But I thank you profusely for validating my opinion.

BTW - ticks freak me the hell out. ::Shudder::

Comrade PhysioProf said...

Burn that motherfucker out with a match!

Natalie said...

OMG yuck yuck yuck. A few years ago we had a problem with finding ticks on our shepherd every week... so gross!! I've never been a fan of the outdoors (even though I do like to garden). Just soooo do not like bugs.

cialis online said...

ewww hey dear blogger I had lunch few minutes ago and what I just saw on this post of you made me wanna puke, you should have more consideration with your readers and make a warning!!

Mick McCann said...

Do Not Burn It Out!!! EVER!
You'll basically freak it out and then it will convulse all of it's contents into you! Including Lyme's disease pathogens!
What ya do is,
Get a STURDY pair of tweezers. Not the flimsy cheapo's The kind that narrow down to a point.
Then expose it's head. You Have To!
Grab it's head (or feeding mechanism's and Pull STRAIGHT OUT.
DO NOT rock it out or twist the tweezers!!! This will break off the feeding mechanisms (or head)and leave them in you to possibly spread an infection.

This is the only way to do it safely. I got this from the CDC website this morning when I had to pluck one out that I discovered had spent the night with me.

I HATE THEM Too! But, Geez Cialis Online Man Up! a Bit!

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