Pieces of Me

A Mom's Reflection

2011-06-19T23:36:00.000-04:00

Dear D,

   You are the absolute light of my life, sweetie. Yesterday was your very first birthday and I was so proud and happy to watch you cheerfully playing with your new toys, interacting and flirting with everyone, enjoying every second being the center of attention. It was just an amazingly joyful experience to watch you.

   During these past 12 months I have watched you change so much and develop this incredible little personality that I learn more about with each passing day. You're so full of unbridled enthusiasm and every time you learn some new skill - crawling, walking, pointing - I find myself feeling so excited for you because it gives you a new way to explore this world you never seem to tire of.

   I won't tell you it was always easy. Colic, sleeplessness (yours and mine), teething, sickness - we've been through it all, buddy. While I still don't always have as much as I need, you have taught me the virtue of patience in ways that no one else ever could. You have reminded me of what it is like to be a child. You have made it so that everything old is new again. There have been many nights where I actually want you to stay awake past your bedtime because I will miss you if you go to sleep. (Luckily for everyone, common sense always prevails over that temptation.)

   My favorite moments of every day this past year, the one I will never forget even though no photos or videos exist of it, are those that happen when I bring you into bed with me in the mornings to cuddle, nurse and (hopefully) fall back asleep for a little while longer. So many of those times I have stared at your sleeping face in the crook of my arm, taken a mental snapshot, and said to myself "I have never loved anyone or anything more in my life than this little creature right here."

   My darling, sweet, baby boy, this year with you has been a gift. I love watching you turn into a little boy, and I will love watching you grow into a man. I promise you I will continue to do my best every day to make sure that your life is full of love, affection, and support as you grow up and make sure you have the tools you need to do well in this crazy, unforgiving, and complicated world.

   I love you more than words, D. Happy Birthday.

Love,
Mama

Still Dumbstruck

2011-06-04T14:03:00.000-04:00

I am still absolutely dumbstruck by the events of 6/1. For those of you who haven't heard on the news, an EF03 tornado ripped through western MA in a 39 mile path of sheer destruction. I have family and friends in every single affected town and city, and the tornado missed them all by as little as a half mile and my house by about 8 miles. By sheer dumb fucking luck, we were all either just to the south or north of the tornado's path.

My former stomping grounds from my teenage years are all but totally leveled. People have lost everything. Again, by dumb fucking luck, only 4 people were killed. One of them, a mother, was killed when she acted as human shield over her 15 year-old daughter as their house came down on top of them. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.

I've seen many people on the news and on Facebook talking about how they prayed for God to spare them and their homes, and how it was a "miracle" they came through unscathed. I am amazed at the cognitive dissonance that belief requires. It has taken all of my self-control not to ask - do you somehow think you prayed harder or had more faith than the people who lost everything? Do you think you deserved to be spared and those affected didn't? How can you possibly believe in and justify the actions of a god who would do something like that?

Don't get me wrong - I'm sure that if my house had been in the path and I was forced to take cover in the basement, shielding my baby from flying debris, glass, and mother nature's blind-ass fury, you'd probably catch me, an Atheist, praying my ass off too. I think that's just human nature in the face of impending doom - not necessarily praying to a god, but to anything, everything that might be listening - even the tornado itself - "Please Mr. Tornado, please spare my baby, I am BEGGING you PLEASE!" - throwing your will and desperation out there to the universe and hoping it sticks somehow.

But then if you ARE spared, if you are one of the lucky ones, how can you possibly sit there and say, out loud no less, that "God" saw fit to save YOU because he heard your prayers somehow over the prayers of thousands of others praying just as feverishly and desperately as you?

I am dumbstruck by all of it. The destruction, the violence of it, the terror I went through calling my family members and saying "There's a tornado heading straight for your house!!!!!" while I'm watching the shit happen on the news. Being in a panic the entire rest of the evening with every rumble of thunder, every flash of lightning, a yellow-orange foreboding sky above - the whole time saying to myself "But this shit doesn't happen HERE! Not HERE!!!"

And I've been having nightmares about it ever since. As someone who truly loved thunderstorms my entire life, I don't think I will ever see them the same way again. Ever.

Nature? I Forfeit.

2011-06-02T13:23:00.000-04:00

Fucking tornadoes now? Really? REALLY?????

I bought formula at this grocery store at 1pm yesterday. I bought some booze at this liquor store around 1:30pm. This photo was taken around 5pm:

Nature 2. JLK 0.

2011-05-31T17:24:00.000-04:00

My loyal readers might remember the last time I tried to take on nature at our new house. It didn't go so well.

And it's only getting worse. In fact, I am looking forward to winter and it's only just Memorial Day. And I used to LOVE summer.

It got pretty hot around these parts pretty quickly. I was happy for the nice weather, but we don't (yet) have air conditioning in our house so the nights have been steaming hot on the 2nd floor. We've been forced to open the windows at night, knowing that the shitty screens were going to let some bugs in. And so for the last week or so, my house has been damn-near infested with every little creepy crawly you can imagine.

Then, on friday, we found ourselves having a pretty serious carpenter ant problem, especially in the living room. But even then I was okay, because I can kill ants, I'm not scared of them, and my husband all but eradicated the problem when he got home from work that same day.

Today we had all new windows installed in the house. We've been counting down the days for a month, so we were pretty excited. Every single window in the house is open right now and I am enjoying the bugless fresh air. Except for two nagging things:

1. One of the window guys felt the need to tell me that on one of the 2nd floor storm windows there was a big ass spider with fangs that jumped off the house before he could kill it, and...

2. The thing about new windows is, in order for them to install them they have to take the old ones out. Which means that for at least a few minutes, there were gaping holes in the house. So for most of the afternoon I have been killing MORE bugs and spiders and only keeping myself from losing my shit by telling myself that this is the end, these are the last bugs that are getting in here.

But the absolute KICKER today was when I headed out through the garage to go see the progress of the install. I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye and noticed a 6 FOOT LONG SNAKE dangling from the side wall of the fucking garage, trying to slither its way on top of the now-open garage door. I freaked the FREAK out.

A got the thing down and out of the garage, probably injured it in the process, and laughed at me for being such a chicken shit when we used to have a pet snake. But a snake in a cage that you raised from the time it was a baby and a wild snake from the woods that you don't know from Adam are two different things.

Either way I thought it was over.

Late this afternoon I noticed the garage door was still open. "Gee honey, I wonder how the snake got IN the garage in the first place????" I decided that since it had been open for so long, I should probably go out and check to make sure the snake hadn't returned. I didn't make it 3 feet in before I noticed a giant-ass snake skin hanging from the crawlspace above the interior entry door. I'm pretty sure it wasn't there last night. I'm also pretty sure it wasn't there this morning. Hubby isn't home to check it out.

I am now at the point where every time I go outside, I feel like Owen Wilson in Behind Enemy Lines - under constant fucking attack from creatures all around me. Bugs fly into my head, mosquitoes bite me, bees screw with me, spiders somehow decide that my yard isn't big enough and they need to come investigate ME. I've gone from telling my husband not to use pesticides in our yard at all, to saying "Spray that shit until it glows in the dark for all I care, just get rid of the fuckers!" Irresponsible and selfish? Yeah, probably. But I'm developing phobias left and right here.

So much for my gardening and landscaping plans. I have an awesome Yankee Doodle lilac to plant but I can't bring myself to go outside long enough to dig a hole.

This summer is going to suck. :(

It's Always Something

2011-05-26T14:00:00.000-04:00

I've been away for a bit longer than normal, barely having time to read and comment on your pages. My Grandpa's death was like a 12 day event, with family flying in and staying with us and subsequent visiting with others who stayed elsewhere. I've also been working on planning D's first birthday party in June, which has turned into a minor clusterfuck because apparently everyone either waits until the last minute to rsvp or doesn't rsvp at all, which REALLY pisses me off.

But beyond all that, I'm feeling pretty beaten down in general. The absolute deadline for the bathroom renovation is the baby's party, which is less than a month away. That means that every single day, all day, I am by myself with D while A is at work. And when A gets home, we eat dinner, and then he goes to work on the bathroom until bedtime. So I am by myself with D all evening as well. For the past few weeks he seems to think that whining and temper tantrums over stupid shit are just the Awesomest way to spend time with Mama.

The first person among my friends to have a baby now has 2 of them, and the oldest is 5. A couple of years ago I asked her, "So how's motherhood?" At the time she still only had one.

She said, "It's pretty good. Once you realize and accept the fact that your kid is an asshole, it gets much easier. Because up until that point you constantly ask yourself what you're doing wrong and how can you fix it and it makes you crazy. But kids are assholes, and more often than not it has nothing to do with you."

I thought it was a pretty amusing thing to say and of course, back then, I didn't understand. Now, I do.

"Hi, my name is JLK, and my son is an asshole." *sigh*

I've realized it, but I haven't yet accepted it. Even just typing that sentence makes me cringe and itch to delete it and write something nicer. But that would be sugarcoating and I hate sugarcoating.

Everything right now feels like a struggle. Bedtime is a struggle. Diaper changing is a battle of wills. Changing his goddamn clothes is an exercise in futility. Keeping the child from eating the cat food, dumping their water bowl, or trying to explore the litter box makes me feel like Sisyphus, only instead of pushing a boulder up a mountain, I'm dragging a toddler across a tile floor.

It has only been getting harder.

He took his first steps the day before he turned 11 months, and hasn't shown any interest in walking since. This child is 24lbs and has weighed over 20lbs since he was 5-6 months old. I am so freaking tired of carrying him all the time that I could scream. He doesn't hang onto me to help with the weight - instead he leans over, flops around, and makes it as difficult as humanly possible. My upper body looks like Vin Diesel's right now.

There is so much going on, so many things I need to do, and I am losing my ever-loving mind over here.

Here's The Thing...

2011-05-10T21:33:00.000-04:00

When you have kids, your shit just doesn't matter. And that can be a hard thing to take.

For example, if today you find out (through EMAIL!) that your grandfather died last night from a heart attack, your baby does not know or understand that your day has gone to shit.

So you must suck it up, ignore your sadness, bite back your anger about the email part, make the phone calls you were asked to make, nurse your son, soothe him when he cries, deal with his temper tantrums.

And none of it can be made about you. None of it. Because it's not ABOUT you anymore, ever, until your child is grown up and finally sees you as a another adult. And by that time, I'm guessing, most of us have learned to cope with our shit in silence and behind closed doors.

Cheers, Grandpa. I love you and I will miss you. I thank you for teaching me about gardens, orchids, birds, and woodland animals. I thank you for watching my fashion shows and looking at my home designs. I thank you for your patience and loving acceptance. As an American, I thank you for your service and sacrifice in the Navy during WWII. I'm sorry I didn't visit more. I'm sorry I didn't listen more. I'm sorry that I just never seemed to have time. I hope that you forgive me. May you rest in peace.

If Only

2011-04-24T21:52:00.000-04:00

There needs to be a place where, on those days, you can just drop your child (or children) off and know that he or she is in very safe, capable hands until whenever you decide to return.

Image taken from Hollands Jewelers Blog

You know what I'm talking about - a place you can put them when you're seriously on the verge of losing your shit. Where you don't have to call first. You just show up with your frazzled self, hand off the little brat, and come back to pick them up whenever you're feeling better.

I started thinking up some names for such a place:

"Mental Health Day"care

The Sanity Asylum

The Sanity Sandbox

Take a Penny, Leave a Suzie

The Kiddie Kennel

Minor Retreat

The Rest Stop

Whine to Wine

Yes, JLK is being kind of an asshole right now. It's been one of those days and I won't lie, I was fantasizing about what it would be like to have the ability to drop D off somewhere and be like "I'll be back in a few days" and head off to the shore or something for some peace and fucking quiet.

An accurate representation of what my day would have looked like. If I had earplugs.

Please don't get me wrong. I love my son dearly. But today was a nonstop whine- and shriek-fest and I thought my head was going to explode when it was barely 2pm. I kept coming back to the same thought: "When your baby has colic, you tell yourself 'He's just a baby, it's not his fault, it's his only way of communicating.' But at what point can you comfortably acknowledge that he's just a brat sometimes? 11 months? 2 years?"

When does it become okay (in your own head or otherwise) to be like "Okay, kid. Now you're just being a douchebag"?

And I was also thinking what a better place this world would be if moms could go to a neighbor (or anyone else they know and trust, for that matter) and say "I'm about to lose my shit. Can you please take this child before I sell him in exchange for a bus ticket to Hoboken?" and feel okay about it. Feel like a better parent for recognizing her limits and taking a break when needed. Feel like it's okay to take a moment (or 10) for yourself every once in awhile.

As I put D down to bed tonight, my final thought was this:

"Fuck, would it be nice to paint my toenails in the middle of the day again."

Ooooh. If only........

Nature 1. JLK 0.

2011-04-22T13:03:00.000-04:00

I grew up in a medium-sized city. As an adult, I lived in a large town/suburb where my husband and I had a condo with a very small yard. Back in November, we moved to a town that can only be described as rural. Although it is really only separated by 9 miles and a large river from where we used to live, it is an entirely different setting.

We have an acre of land with woods and a small mountain behind our property. We have deer, owls, all sorts of cool animals living around here. I have seen more species of birds on my bird feeders in the past 2 weeks than I have seen in my entire life. Since spring began, I've been all "Yay! Nature! I'm going to start GARDENING and shit!"The original owners of our house spent a lot of money on landscaping at one point, but it's been neglected for awhile and the yard is kind of a mess.

The bird feeder next to my patio area.

Despite the fact that I have never really been a person who gardens or does any kind of dirty outdoor work, I felt myself getting really into the idea of doing stuff outside. I bought garden tools, decided to start a compost heap.......I was feeling very GREEN.

Yesterday, as I headed out to the side property line to start my compost heap, bag of cantaloupe rind, strawberry tops, and various other refuse in hand, I thought to myself "You know, I haven't really had an issue with any bugs turning me off to being outside yet. Other than the annoying gnats, I'm doing okay!"

FML.

That afternoon, I went to move a small pile of debris from the concrete pad that is going to become my little hideaway/patio area, and I encountered a wolf spider. A big one. I was going to put a picture here, but they freaked me out too much and couldn't do it. Feel free to google an image and see for yourself. I'll wait.

.......
.......
......

Fucking GROSS, right????

I was like "Holy shit! I am so DONE right now. Won't do that again!" And I promptly moved to a different area of the yard and left my pile of shit right where it was.

This morning I noticed that the top of my right ass cheek/hip felt really bruised and painful. "WTF?" I thought. So I pulled aside my pajama pants and saw a variation of this:

No, that's not my ass. That's someone else's pic. I was too busy screaming to take a photo.

I freaked the freak out, called my husband, and made him come home from work and remove it. 20 minutes and much whining later, he had removed the deer tick's body and all the legs.

But the fucking head is still in there. In my ass cheek. In my FREAKING ASS CHEEK!

I called my doctor and she said to just let it work its way out, but if it was really bothering me I could come in and she would excavate it. I decided to stop being a wuss for now and see how much it's bugging me by Monday.

Seriously, though. WTF.

The Latest Recipes We've Tried

2011-04-19T22:22:00.000-04:00

I know, I know. I've been severely slacking in the blog department period, let alone my posting reviews of the new dishes we've tried. In my defense, spring has sprung around here and most of my free time has been taken up with newbie gardening/landscaping and, oddly enough, birdwatching. But that's another post.

I've decided that instead of posting my entire menu every week, I'm only going to post the recipes that we had never tried before (or at least that I have not already reviewed here). I figure what's the sense in repeating information that can be found in the related posts and archives.

So here are the new recipes and reviews for the past 2 weeks:

Miso-Marinated Salmon w/ Lime-Ginger Glaze. The recipe was for rainbow trout. Which is what I intended to make after I looked at the weekly circular for my grocery store and saw that it was on sale. That was when I looked up this recipe, specifically for rainbow trout, which I had never made before. But I get to the store and the seafood manager tells me that no one actually has it and no one seems to know why it was in the circular. WTF. So I tell her what my recipe is and ask her what I can use instead. She suggests salmon, as no other fish she thinks is going to hold its own in such a strongly-flavored marinade and glaze. Long story short, I went through this whole clusterfuck for a dish that wasn't even that good. If I ever see rainbow trout in a fish market though, I will try it again. But I happen to like my salmon to taste like salmon, and the miso plus the glaze was just too much I think.

Pizza Supreme. From a Cooking Light special section on making take-out healthier and at home. I just used a whole wheat Boboli crust and regular marinara (I think it was Classico) but damn was it GOOD. For so little seasoning it had sooo much flavor. But the best part was that it wasn't greasy at all but definitely tasted like a pizza house pizza. A bit of prep work for the vegetables, but so worth it.

Grilled Steak w/ Fresh Mango Salsa. Flat-iron steak was on sale at the supermarket so I figured it was as good a time as any to try this recipe I had been sitting on for a year or so. Holy shit. Flat-iron is my new favorite cut. The seasoning in this recipe was also fantastic, had great flavor, and not an ounce of meat went to waste. The salsa was also excellent.

Herbed Greek Chicken Salad. This was very good and very light. It had a similar flavor to the chicken souvlaki that I love so much. This will definitely be a staple in our house once the summer is here. I served it with toasted pita wedges seasoned with salt & pepper.

Smoked Mozzarella, Spinach, and Pepper Omelet Sandwiches. My husband actually did the cooking and prep for this one, as he is obsessed with breakfast foods - especially when eaten for dinner. The omelets themselves I felt were kind of "eh" - A loved them though. So much that he invited some friends over for brunch the following Sunday and made them again. When he made them the second time I had him put the mozzarella IN my omelet instead of just on the muffin, which of course means more cheese and more calories, but I felt it was worth it. Served with the recommended fresh fruit salad (honeydew, cantaloupe, strawberries, and blueberries for us) drizzled with French vanilla yogurt - HOLY YUMMY.

Coconut Curried Pork, Snow Pea, & Mango Stir-fry. Not to ruin your appetite, but this is the infamous dish of my first Learned From Experience post. This was my first venture into curried pork as well as my first time making a stir-fry with pork. The pork itself was great, the recipe was just alright and I decided it was not worth keeping in my recipe binder. Using coconut milk is a pain in the ass unless a recipe calls for the entire can, because then you have all this leftover milk and need to find another way to use it. Luckily, I figured that part out. But still. Here's how my plate looked:

Chicken & Couscous Salad. This is one of my all-time favorite CL recipes and one of the first we ever tried. It is so fresh and light-tasting, even if I cheat and use canned chicken from Costco! I've subbed in red peppers instead of the radishes and that is also fantastic. It is also amazing as leftovers the next day (or two) cold or warmed up. I served this one with toasted pita wedges as well.

Baked Pasta w/ Spinach, Lemon & Cheese. After reading the online reviews for this one, I decided to cut the amount of onion in half when I made it. I thought the recipe came out perfectly fine and pretty tasty, but it's not a keeper for me because I already have a mac & cheese recipe that I love more and the nutrition for both is about the same.

Broiled Tenderloin Steaks w/ Ginger-Hoisin Glaze. I was sooooo disappointed with this one, but I think it was more because the cuts of filet mignon I purchased just weren't very high quality, and I couldn't find just regular tenderloin steaks at this particular supermarket. So I think my expectations were set pretty high and they just didn't deliver. I served with Asian-style veggies and rice.

Stir-Fried Chicken Salad. This one was pretty good, much better than I expected. It's the only recipe I have of its kind so far, so I'm going to hang onto it for those summer nights when I feel like eating something Asian-inspired.

Fettuccine w/ Olive Oil, Garlic, & Red Pepper. OMG. So good. I used fresh fettuccine so I had to watch my timing very carefully. I also skipped the drizzling of oil at the end because I thought it would make the pasta too greasy. But it was very good and very indulgent-feeling.

Mediterranean Chicken Salad Pitas. Another one I had been sitting on for awhile. Pretty damn good, though I omitted the olives from mine because I hate them with a bitter passion. The baby loved his, my husband thought they were pretty good and that's saying something because he doesn't "do" chicken salad. His only suggestion was to chop up the tomatoes into the salad instead of sticking them in the pita, but he doesn't really like tomatoes all that much so his opinion doesn't count for shit.

Spaghetti Bolognese. First, a disclaimer - I have never made a bolognese before. So my view might be a bit challenged. We all LOVED the flavor of this dish. I thought the thing was great A-Z. Hubby, however, has an issue when there isn't enough sauce, and this just isn't a saucy dish. When I reheated the leftovers for us for lunch the next day though, I added a few tablespoons of spaghetti sauce to the meat mixture and served over mini farfalle and he thought it was much better that way. So if your family is picky about having a lot of sauce on their pasta, I recommend adding tomato sauce while cooking.

And holy cow, 45 minutes later I am finally done writing this post. And now you see why I've been slacking!!!

Learned From Experience....

2011-04-12T15:44:00.000-04:00

If you start feeding your baby the same meals you serve the adults at your dinner table and he/she enjoys them, you will feel quite a sense of pride and accomplishment that your cooking skills apparently pass muster among the toothless set.

But then just like the warning about feeding your pets table scraps, whenever you sit down to try and enjoy a meal or a snack for yourself, your child will whine and beg like a dog until you give him/her some.

Dammit, Rover!

or:

NO KITTY! This is MY pot pie!!!!!

Pride & Purpose

2011-04-11T14:18:00.000-04:00

There's a stirring in my soul these days. It's a reminder of how, once upon a time, I wanted to do something important. I wanted to make a difference in the world somehow, some way. I wanted there to be meaning behind what I do every day. I wanted to set and attain goals.

My son, of course, is the most important thing in my life and raising him is making a difference in the world and gives plenty of meaning behind what I do every day. And while I hope that someday he looks back and is proud of how his Mama loved and raised him, I also want him to be proud of who I am as a person and the things I accomplished in this world.

Initially I thought I would be earning a PhD in Social Psychology. Researching gender issues and actively working toward a society in which calling someone a "girl/boy/man/woman" was merely a descriptor and no longer carried with it all of the biases and beliefs we have about what those labels mean - how a person should act, dress, speak, etc. But as with many things in this world, I discovered that the sheer amount of bullshit I would have to wade through in order to get to the point of being a difference-maker was just too much. I feel the same way about politics right now - I know how I would like things to be, but there's just too much opposition out there to actually be able to make a difference.

I've been spending a lot of time recently with a friend who has been through some of the worst things many of us could even begin to imagine. She came out the other side of it as this amazing, compassionate, beautiful person who, without even trying, has the ability to inspire others to make better choices, to live fully and without apology, to face darkness in our lives and in ourselves head-on and to make something out of it. She has been making a difference in people's lives through her blog - simply by telling her story and its accompanying happy ending (not the right word, as the story isn't over and never will be, but that's the best I've got) in such a real, from-the-heart, nitty-gritty way that it's impossible to look the other way and not be touched by it. She is an incredibly talented writer and her husband and I are encouraging her to transform her writings into a book when she's ready, because it's just too important NOT to be shared with the world. She will continue to make a difference in the world with each passing day, in addition to the difference she makes raising her daughter with pure love and gratitude. To read her blog and the story she tells, please click here. If you decide to read through the archives, I suggest you have a box of tissues handy and no important place to be.

The stirrings within me to find a new purpose have been strengthened by getting to know her. I don't have a story to tell. But it has made me look at my life and ask "What am I really DOING every day?" The job I get paid to do does make a difference in the lives of anonymous children every day. I help schools raise money and promote literacy among their students. I directly help to put about 500,000 books into the hands of kids every single year. That's a pretty big number. But at the end of the day I am still working for a major corporation that, despite its sunshine & roses mission statement and lipservice paid to literacy partnership and promoting reading, is still out for profits, is still responsible to its shareholders, and still makes company decisions based on the bottom line. I hate that, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's not the greediest corporation in the world, but it's not a nonprofit either. So I stay, because I need to get paid.

I started to think about what my talents are, what my experience can be used to accomplish, and what types of things I would feel good about doing and would have personal meaning to me. Since moving to a rural area, my love of nature and wildlife has been rekindled in a major way, something I have not felt particularly passionate about since I was a child. I have only lived in this house since November, but in that time I have seen several species of owls including a Great Horned owl that hunts in my yard every night and a Barred owl that visited us right around Christmas. One morning I woke up to find a Blue Heron standing in the little pond on our land. There are eagles, falcons, hawks, rabbits, squirrels of all colors, woodpeckers that think our house is a giant tree, deer - you name it, I probably have it in the land behind our house.

Our Christmas owl. He was much bigger than he looks here.

The Blue Heron that stopped by for a visit.

I am not a birdwatching enthusiast, despite all appearances to the contrary. But spring has just begun and I started wondering what other animals and birds I would see as the weather grows warmer. I thought about how neat it would be to name them, and how much my son might enjoy that as he gets older. This reminded me of the children's author Thornton Burgess. I read many of his books when I was little and my favorite thing about him was that his inspiration for the stories he wrote came from the animals he saw every day on his land.

That land was willed to the Mass Audubon society after his death, and was transformed into a wildlife sanctuary called Laughing Brook. I can't even tell you how much time I spent there as a child. There was a staff who cared for animals that had been injured in the sanctuary, rehabilitated them, and those who were unable to safely return to the wild were kept in large outdoor enclosures where visitors could view them as close to their natural habitat as was possible. It was my favorite place on earth. Floods, fires, and financial woes have all contributed to the demise of what was once a thriving nature preserve. I have returned to my memories of it many times in the last decade or so and have been frustrated by my lack of ability to DO anything about it.

But now that I have a son who I am raising somewhat close to the area where I grew up, it has become increasingly important to me to share with him the things that were close to my heart in my childhood. Laughing Brook is one of those things. And it has been suffering.

I realized that I might actually be able to really help. I have helped raise literally millions of dollars for schools in my territories. I have sales skills for days and days. I have strong networking connections all over New England. So I contacted Mass Audubon and told them I want to help. I told them what I have to offer. All I need from them is a dollar amount. I said "Tell me how much money you need to restore the place to what it used to be. Then tell me how much money you'll need every year to keep it going." I will get that money for them. I will make it happen.

And hopefully sometime in the not-too-distant future, I will make the drive to Laughing Brook with D. I will tell him all about how I used to go there all the time with his Great Grandma. I will tell him how Shawnee the coyote was my favorite animal there and how I used to sit for hours and talk to her whether she listened or not. I will tell him about walking the Chipmunk Trail and counting how many chipmunks I would see. I will tell him about how Laughing Brook was forgotten for awhile and how no one came to see it anymore.

Shawnee the coyote. Taken from Hell's Acres blog.

And then I will tell him how his Mama helped to bring it all back to life so that children just like him could enjoy it the same way I used to. And how proud I will be to have done it.

Last Week's Menu Plus Baby Entrees!

2011-04-09T22:15:00.000-04:00

I've started feeding D a variation of what we eat for dinner on most nights or throwing something together for him from what I already have in my pantry. So now in addition to the menu we followed last week, I'm also going to include what I fed the baby. If you are in a solids rut with your infant, check out some of my suggestions and look for a post coming up of what I've been feeding D that's NOT made by Gerber - it will include breakfast and lunch choices.

But for now, here's what we ate last week and my reviews:

Chunky Fish Fingers w/ Pea & Mint Puree: I decided to make this one for 2 reasons; First, cod was on sale and second, I wanted the baby to try fish and this was my first venture into feeding him table food. I thought the puree would be a nice touch. But man, was it a pain in the ass. Breading the fish was a pain and I didn't think worth the end result. The pea puree was pretty, but also kind of bland. My husband salted the shit out of it and then said it was "Okay." I gave D the puree straight up and cut the fish into very teeny tiny pieces, but otherwise made no adjustments. He wasn't too excited about it either.

Edamame Succotash: **vegetarian option** This is one of our favorite Cooking Light recipes and was the first dish we tried edamame in. I served it with the recommended French baguette and neufchatel cheese. To make this dish vegetarian just omit the bacon and use oil instead to cook the veggies. I fed D the edamame and pieces of the bread with cheese for his dinner. Here's a picture of the succotash after finishing it in the pan:

YUMMY!

Chicken Souvlaki w/ Tzatziki Sauce: See my previous review and photo of this dish here. I took a few pieces of the chicken, zucchini, and red pepper and stuck it in the Cuisinart for a few seconds to make it smaller and gave it to D with the sauce on the side and some brown rice. He seemed to love it.

Turkey Sausage Gnocchi Soup: This is the third time I've made this dish since I started posting weekly menus. See the original review here. Again with this one, I stuck some in the Cuisinart for a few seconds to make sure everything was in small enough bits and just fed it to D straight. He definitely loved this one - luckily even the "hot" turkey sausage isn't really hot by most standards.

Beef, Cheese, & Noodle Bake: The last time I made this, A suggested I use more veggies the next time. So this time in addition to the carrots I included peas, red pepper, and green beans. It definitely made it more filling, but I didn't think it added anything special. I think next time I'll keep the pepper and the peas and skip the green beans. Either way, it's still a great substitute if you're craving Hamburger Helper Cheeseburger Macaroni but are trying to watch your sodium intake. We cut this one up by hand for the baby and he inhaled it. He also enjoyed the leftovers for lunch the next day.

Homemade Macaroni & Cheese: No link for this one because it's my recipe. Made using whole wheat rotini, broccoli & green beans, light semisoft garlic & herb cheese, cheddar, gruyere, and whole wheat bread crumbs, it is delicious and with no unnecessary fat or sodium. Gave it to the baby pretty much straight, just watched for big pieces and cut the rotini as we fed him. YUM!

Thai Chicken Saute: This was my first time making this one. I had actually never used fish sauce before and thought I was going to gag as I put it in the chicken marinade. But despite that, it was pretty good and I served it as suggested over rice. However, I didn't think it was anything special and neither did A, so I doubt I'll make it again. For D's dinner, I was concerned about the heat in this one, so I actually gave him some silken tofu cut up into manageable size, mixed it with some rice, added some marinara sauce and sprinkled with parmesan.

Black Bean Quesadillas w/ Corn Salsa: The quesadillas were good, but the salsa was AWESOME. The tortillas got a bit too browned under my broiler though, and since I usually bake quesadillas I think that's what I would do next time. Other than a few stray black beans and some bites of cheese, I fed the baby the same thing as the night before - tofu marinara with rice and cheese.

Happy Cooking!

Tips for Applying to a Job as a Nanny or Babysitter

2011-04-06T21:20:00.000-04:00

As a mom who is currently in the process of trying to find a caregiver for my son, I have found quite a few things lacking in some of the applications I've received. Because of that, I decided to compile a list of tips for people applying to nanny jobs that will help to keep your application from going to the bottom of the applicant pile.

1. Your Profile Photo: Like it or not, pictures speak a thousand words and on the internet they give a first impression. If you put up what looks like a headshot for a modeling job, that suggests vanity. When looking for a photo to put on a caregiver profile, don't necessarily go for the one you think you look "best" in, especially if it's clearly posed. It's just artificial, and I'm not going to be looking for the nanny with the prettiest eyes or highest cheekbones. I'm looking for someone who is kind and genuine - photos like that don't suggest either of those traits to me as a first impression.

Also, as much as I love to see a photo of the nanny with children, make sure the child looks genuinely happy in the photo. Many of you out there have posted pictures that clearly involve you forcing the child to sit with you while you use your camera-phone to take a photo. They're not really smiling, their body language shows they would much rather be doing something else, and it does nothing for you if I see that in your picture.

The best profile pictures are those that show a real smile - a photo that wasn't intended to be a profile photo. Or a photo that shows you playing or cuddling with a child that clearly adores you - we can see it in their face, in their arms draped around your neck, in their almost-laughing smile.

In my search so far, the nanny who is at the top of my list is one who I knew would be there from the moment I saw her photo. She has a genuine smile and the little girl she is hugging also has a genuine smile on her face and is leaning into her. The nanny looks sweet and kind. And when I received her responses to my screening questions, she was one of very few applicants who took the time to think about each question and provide a thoughtful, intelligent response to each one. Her answers also show me that she really does love caring for children and knows a lot about them.

2. SPELL CHECK!!! There are no excuses for spelling and grammar errors in your caregiver profile. None. It is the equivalent of having spelling errors in your resume - it is essentially a summary of who you are, what you've done, and why you should be given the job you are applying for. Check it and then check it again. Read it out loud to yourself and make sure that all of your sentences make sense. Make sure there are no missing words, no "their/there/they're" errors, etc.

No, a nanny job is not rocket science and I'm not looking for someone with an amazing vocabulary and writing ability. But I AM looking for someone who pays attention to detail. If you can't recheck your own paragraphs to make sure you're presenting yourself in the best possible light, how do I know you're going to listen carefully when I explain to you how to handle and prepare breastmilk or formula for my baby? Or what kind of and how much solid food to give him? Or if he's sick, the correct dosage of his medication and how often to give it to him?

3. Responding to a Job Posting: If you see a job posting that sounds like a position you might like to have, first and foremost make sure you read it thoroughly. Most of these websites ask the parent to provide the salary they are willing to pay, the days of the week and hours they are looking for, as well as other things the parent is looking for such as first aid certification or someone who speaks a language other than English. If a job listing says $15/hr for 3 days per week, don't waste the parents' time if you are looking to make $35/hr on the weekends. If they list a salary range, make sure you are comfortable being paid with the middle amount, not just the higher-end listed. Can we put a price tag on quality care for our children? No, not really, because our kids are priceless. But there ARE limits to what we can afford. Don't apply for a $10/hr position hoping that the parents will like you so much they'll be willing to pay $20. They won't be.

4. The Cover Letter/First Message: The first time you contact the parents through an online service is probably going to be through an email. Don't just write something like "I'd love to know more about the job you posted. XOXO Stephanie." (Yes, I did receive messages like this.) Definitely don't just copy and paste the About Me section of your caregiver profile into the body of the message. That tells me you just don't care enough to put the time in to send something even the least bit personalized.

Use the opportunity to tell me why you're applying to the job I posted - do you love working with infants or toddlers and maybe you live close by? What days are you available? When could you start? Why should I look at YOUR profile and consider hiring YOU? If you want some help writing a great first message, google "writing cover letters" and use the tips you find online that are what people use for applying to jobs and graduate schools. The rule of thumb for writing a great cover letter is this: Sell yourself in 3 paragraphs or less.

And once you've done that, for the love of god, SPELL CHECK IT.

5. Your Profile: Especially after you've just applied to a job listing, go through your profile and make sure that you are putting your best foot forward. Does it include extraneous information that I'm probably not going to care about? Like how many dogs you have? Or maybe that you live in the house that your grandfather built? Or how about the fact that you work at Starbucks part-time? (Actually, scratch that. That's totally relevant if you can get me a discount on my morning jolt.)

Point is, if you're looking to work with children, you should explain why you love working with them, what type of job you are hoping to get, what your desired pay is, what your qualifications are, and for how long are you looking to be a nanny. If you're 21 years old and about to graduate from college and move to NYC to pursue a job as an investment banker, make sure you put in your profile that you are looking for a short-term position and why.

6. Communications with Parents: First, remember that this isn't quite the same thing as putting an ad on Craig's List. Parents have to pay the online service for the privilege of communicating with you. Therefore, if I shell out the cash so I can send you an email, please take the time to read it carefully and respond thoughtfully and thoroughly and TIMELY. If I send you a list of questions to answer as a pre-screening, please read all of the questions carefully, think about them, and make sure your response actually answers the questions. At the very least, make sure your answers make SENSE. I asked all of my applicants what experience they have with potty training, the ages of the children, the methods used, etc. One girl, who used to work in a daycare, claimed that they potty trained children there in 2 weeks. 2 WEEKS!!! Now THAT I would pay $35/hr for!

I don't expect applicants to pay the same level of attention to email as I do to their profile and cover letter, but you should still scan for spelling and grammar mistakes, stay on-point, and answer emails as promptly as you can. I am still waiting for people to get back to me with their answers to the screening questions I sent over 2 weeks ago - and I mean waiting for quite a few people! If you applied to a job, ANY job, and they called you to schedule an interview - would you NOT call them back for 2-3 weeks? I don't think so, especially not if you really want the job.

Remember that most parents who are looking for childcare are not particularly happy about doing so. Many of us wish we could afford to stay home full-time. Many of us wish we had family close by who would care for our kids while we work. Our babies mean the world to us, and finding just the right person to care for them is no easy task. But if you really want to work as a nanny for a great family, utilize this advice and not only will you get more interested parents, you will also make our task of finding a nanny a lot easier.

Learned From Experience...

2011-04-06T16:51:00.000-04:00

You can feed your 9 month-old baby curried pork with coconut and mango. He might even really, really like it!

But you WILL regret it the next day.

Oh man, will you regret it the next day.

Poll Results: Childcare Options

2011-04-03T12:14:00.000-04:00

I did not get as many responses as I was hoping for, but oh well. I wish I could have had a better quality poll with a ranking system, but I didn't see any free poll options online that let me do that.

Anyway, the results were as follows:

1. If all costs were equal, what would be your first choice for childcare?
50% of you said that one parent staying home would be your first choice.
33% of you said that an in-home nanny would be your first choice.
16% of you said that a daycare facility would be your first choice.
0% said "other"
n=18

2. What would be your second choice?
0% of you said one parent staying home would be your 2nd choice.
58% of you said an in-home nanny
42% of you said a daycare facility.
0% of you said "other"
n=12

3. What would be your third choice?
0% of you said one parent staying home
33% of you said an in-home nanny
33% of you said a daycare facility
33% of you said "other
n=12

No real suprises here in these results, especially considering my main audience still consists of PhDs, grad students, and stay-at-home moms. However, there are still some things I am curious about.

First, those of you who said that a daycare facility would be your first choice even if all costs were equal - I am very curious to know your reasons for choosing that option. The main reason I wanted to take this poll was to get some outside opinion and hopefully help settle a disagreement between my husband and I about our childcare options. He would prefer to put our son in daycare and I would prefer a nanny. So those of you out there who prefer daycare, can you tell me more about your thoughts?

And second, those of you who chose "other" as your third option - what types of arrangements fall into that category for you? I couldn't find a poll with a write-in response option.

Problems with my poll: Inconsistent sample size - I have a different n for the last 2 polls, with the most people responding to the first question only. Also, I could not create a poll that would collect the information I was looking for in the most comprehensive, easy, and straightforward manner possible. So all in all, the information I collected is very faulty for these reasons - there are too many confounding variables.

Guess I won't be publishing this one anytime soon......

A Poll!

2011-03-27T12:39:00.000-04:00

I'm collecting data informally. Please answer my poll and send as many people over here to answer it as you can so I can get a decent sample size!

Caramellow Bliss

2011-03-23T21:59:00.000-04:00

I call this sundae the Caramellow:

1 Cup of fat-free vanilla frozen yogurt (180 calories)
1 Tbsp of Hershey's caramel topping (55 calories)
1 Tbsp of Hershey's chocolate syrup (50 calories)
4 Tbsp of Cool Whip Lite (40 calories)
1 Tbsp of semi-sweet or dark chocolate chunks (60 calories)
2 Tbsp of toasted or raw sliced almonds (90 calories)

For a grand total of 475 calories. Sitting home at 10pm indulging in one of these after the Shittiest of Shitty Days?

Priceless.

AND guilt-free.

Last Week's Menu & Recipes

2011-03-23T19:47:00.000-04:00

After my little mini poll in my last menu post, I received the suggestion that I post the menu after I have cooked all of it, so that the reviews can be in the post instead of the comments. Well, you folks are important to me, so I decided to listen. Hence the delay in food porn-providing.

Here's what we ate last week in Casa de JLK:

Mini Farfalle w/ Roasted Peppers, Feta, & Mint: **vegetarian** Blah. My husband thought it was alright and then said it was pretty good the next day as lunch. I didn't like it enough to give it a second try as leftovers. I think the problem is that I really hate raisins. No matter how much I want to like them, I just can't get past how gross they are. I think if I skipped the raisins, this would have been pretty good, but not worth buying a special box of "mini" bowties for.

Spinach, Chicken & Feta Salad: This was pretty good, but nothing to write home about. Very good as leftovers the next day, so I would make it again as a make-ahead recipe for lunches. Definitely easy to make.

Italian Meatball Burgers w/ angel hair & pesto. The great flavor of these comes from the turkey sausage mixed in with the ground sirloin. Tastes just like a meatball sub (or better) but without all the work and cost. I've also made it with garlic mashed potatoes, but for some reason I really like pasta as the side dish.

Spicy Sweet & Sour Chicken: This one is a repeat from last week. I made it again because my husband loved it so much. Served over white rice. This time, though, I took a picture.

Don't mind the steam, I took the pic right after I plated. It took 5 tries to get it this clear.

Chipotle Bean Burritos **vegetarian**: These were alright. I prefer the Chicken & Black Bean burritos that I've posted before, but still a good, solid vegetarian option that's very easy to make.

Superfast Kofte w/ Tomato Basil Feta Couscous: The kofte was not pretty, but it was pretty tasty and easy. My pita fell the hell apart from the tomato juice and yogurt, but it was still yummy. The couscous was made with chicken broth and I stirred in some quartered grape tomatoes, basil, lemon juice, and feta. Gave this to the baby for his first "real" dinner with us, along with a few small pieces of kofte. He freakin' loved it and made quite the mess trying to feed it to himself.

Where The F*ck is Mary Poppins???

2011-03-21T20:24:00.001-04:00

My childcare situation is in chaos right now. My sister, who is the closest thing to a nanny that I have, is currently trying to get a full-time job which would render her unavailable for babysitting while I work. My mother, who watches D one day a week has proven herself somewhat unreliable, selfish, and often more trouble and inconvenience than her service is worth. (But that's a whole other post.....)

So I have found myself in the unfortunate position of trying to find a nanny. As much as I abhor the idea of leaving my son with a stranger, I am running out of options. I can't afford daycare because of the minimums they charge and I only need 2 days a week. Plus with D's age, (9 months), he is beginning separation and stranger anxiety and the idea of dropping him off in a new place with new people and all sorts of strange kids would make me suicidal with guilt.

I went on FB and asked my circle of peeps where they would recommend I start my search. They suggested sittercity.com, care.com, and nannies4hire.com (which had the highest fees, so I'm skipping them.) I also inquired to College Nannies, but their hourly rate starts about 70% higher than what I am willing and able to pay.

I discovered a couple of things in my searches. First, I am swayed much more by a nanny's looks than I would like to admit. There are just way too many hot, young nannies out there - no wonder so many dudes get into trouble. Second, because of how young many of these women are, most of them are only available for evenings, weekends, and summers. That doesn't help me at all, especially since I get summers off from work like a teacher. And finally, the idea of having someone come to my house, take care of my son the way I want them to, and do some light housekeeping like unloading the dishwasher, prepping for dinner, doing the baby's laundry - is such an enticing thought that it helps to assuage some of that guilt I experience for considering handing my son off to someone I don't know from Adam.

I've never been an employer before, so this is an interesting experience for me. When a potential nanny applies to your job, you receive a message from them that is somewhat akin to a cover letter. I have noticed that while some of these people definitely know how to apply for a job, many of them don't have a clue. For example, my job posting clearly states that I am hiring for the academic year, and that hours woud be reduced over the summer to the minimum we would need to keep my son comfortable with them so that when they return in August for real, I don't have to worry about him freaking out. Not to mention the job posting clearly shows a weekly calendar where I checked off the days and hours that I am looking to fill. One girl sent me a message that says "Since I am a student I can not travel during class, but I would love to be considered for the job during the summer." Um. There IS NO job during the summer.

Another applicant made mention of her "collegiate knowledge" as an excellent qualification, explaining how she has a B.S in teaching. I certainly appreciate an educated candidate, but my son is only 9 months old. He likes to lick things. Unless she took a class in getting babies to stop licking things, I don't see how that necessarily makes her qualified to change his poopy diapers and watch him bang on his Leapfrog table all day.

D is everything to me. What I want more than anything else is someone who will truly care about and for him. Someone who is reliable and will be around for awhile.

Someone who won't care that I don't have cable.

The Bucket List

2011-03-19T10:31:00.001-04:00

This post over at The Domestic Diva in which she lays out her Bucket List inspired me to come up with my own, as I said in the comments over there, "to remind myself there is more to life than dirty diapers and sleepless nights!"

So here is mine, numbered but not in any particular order:

1. Visit every major city in Europe.

2. Earn a graduate degree. In something.

3. Take a jetski out on open ocean.

4. Sleep overnight on the beach, like maybe in a tent.

5. Ride a horse on the beach. (Has to be in Mexico, it's illegal in the US!)

6. Pet a killer whale.

7. Visit Disneyworld, with or without children.

8. Pet a tiger cub.

9. Go out for one fantastic, Sex & The City-type night out in NYC.

10. See the sunrise from Haleakala crater on Maui. (Didn't do this during the honeymoon.)

11. To snowboard for real. At least once. Preferably in Alaska when it's 50 degrees outside.

This is all I"ve got for now, but I'm sure I'll be adding to this as time goes on. What about you guys? What's on YOUR bucket list?

Need Some Bliss?

2011-03-15T23:38:00.000-04:00

Try this:

1 cup of fat-free vanilla frozen yogurt (about 180 calories)
2 Tbsp of Bear Naked Banana Nut granola (70 calories)
2 Tbsp of Cool Whip light (20 calories)
1 Tbsp of toasted or raw sliced almonds (about 55 calories)
1 Tbsp of Reeses Pieces or Peanut Butter M&Ms (55 calories)
1 Tbsp of Reeses Peanut Butter Topping (95 calories)

That is a good-sized sundae with some fantastic textural variation, and it tastes like a peanut butter & banana sandwich like from when you were a kid, only better.

And it clocks in at just 475 calories - WAY less than you would get from, say, Friendly's. Plus it has lots of protein and fiber!

I became a master of the 500-calorie sundae while I was pregnant. I plan to share some more of my creations with you guys as time goes on.

A note about the granola - stuff tastes like Grandma's banana bread in a bag. It is The Shizzle.

I would have taken a picture of my sundae to show you guys, but I already ate it. :(

Booze & Boobs (Yup, That's What I'm Going With)

2011-03-15T08:00:00.001-04:00

In an informal poll I recently looked at, about 70% of breastfeeding mothers say that they drink alcohol. What I wonder though is how many of them actually have all the facts about drinking while breastfeeding. Because I've been doing it for 9 months and apparently I didn't have a fucking clue this whole time.

Truth is, I'm still not sure I have a fucking clue.

After a particularly social weekend, I realized I never did look up how, exactly, breastmilk production works and how alcohol enters and leaves it. Following the majority belief that "pumping and dumping" is the only way to deal with tainted milk, I went on that way this entire time. I had purchased some alcohol test strips for breastmilk before the baby was born, (which I highly recommend, by the way), and they worked really well to confirm what I often already knew about my milk supply.

Until one day, when I had pumped and dumped the night before and gone to bed. 5 hours later the baby woke up and needed to be fed. I felt off, but wasn't sure if it was from alcohol in my system or lack of sleep. I really hadn't drank that much the night before, but just to be on the safe side I decided to test my milk before feeding the baby. The result was positive. WHUCK???

From that point on I became pretty paranoid about drinking, never having enough to even earn a buzz, especially not unless the baby was asleep for the night and I knew he wouldn't be waking up. But it bothered me that I didn't really understand how it all worked. I read that alcohol would be out of your milk about 1-2 hours after having a drink, and you should never feed your baby if you feel even slightly buzzed, and that pumping and dumping was an alternative to waiting the 2 hours. I personally just never understood the waiting thing - where did it go? Any nursing mom can tell you that when you don't feed your baby, your boobs get bigger and bigger and more full as time goes on. There is certainly no physical evidence to suggest that milk cycles out of your boobs as time goes on. (Unless you're weaning of course, but that's another story altogether.) So to me, pumping and dumping just made sense. Get rid of the "bad" milk and let the "good" milk come back in.

But it turns out that's wrong.

A little research on the internet turned up the info that alcohol enters breastmilk through the blood, and so the amount of alcohol in your blood is what affects the amount in the milk. As long as the alcohol is still in your bloodstream, it's still going to be in your milk. But if it's clear from your blood, it's clear from your milk because your body has metabolized it all out.

Supposedly, anyway.

I just still don't get it. And two of the claims from the same site just don't sit right with me. First, it says that most milk is made on-demand for the baby while he/she is nursing. But again, see what I said above about your boobs in between nursing sessions. That suggests otherwise, wouldn't you say?

And second, it says that drinking alcohol to increase milk supply is a bogus old-wives tale. Now I have no access to research that might show this to be false or whatever, but my anecdotal evidence is solid. When I pump after having a drink or two, I pump WAY more milk than I normally get after the same amount of time has passed when I haven't had anything to drink. And second, Bethenny Frankel's well-paid, live-in baby nurse gave her a glass of beer to help her with milk production. The woman was a NURSE, for pete's sake.

And of course, in case this all wasn't enough for you, here's some more conflicting information. Wait 6-7 hours before nursing again after a few drinks? Wait 2 hours for every drink you consume?

Fuck that. No one has any freaking clue. I think I'll just stick to my test strips, thankyouverymuch.

But I Wanna Be on HIS Team!!!

2011-03-14T23:21:00.001-04:00

About a week ago, D figured out how to pull up to standing from his tummy. Using only the floor. He stands on his own for a few seconds at a time with a big grin on his face like he knows he's doing something awesome.

I'm so screwed.

He also thinks he can walk. He can't, of course, but he likes to try and just get up and go. It nearly always ends with me clutching my pounding heart in one hand and his round little bottom in the other. My guess is that he'll be walking by the middle of next month.

So, SO screwed.

I was flipping through WTE the other day and looked at the section on 10 month-olds. It includes a subsection on discipline and how to go about teaching your baby limits early-on. And I realized that this is how everything is going to change.

Up until now just about everything my baby does has been viewed as progress and we have accomodated HIM accordingly. I wasn't going to try and "teach" my baby that outlets are dangerous once he started tooling around in his walker - so we installed tamper-proof plugs in the entire first floor. Problem solved. There are tons of examples just like this. We've all been on Team D, running the same race, holding hands and singing Kumbaya together.

But soon, very soon, D is going to be starting his own team. And A and I will be his opposition. And so begins the next 18+ years of our life until he grows up and we find ourselves in non-competing divisions. (I'm really not that into sports for the most part, I swear!)

Pretty soon I'm going to have to drop "No"'s like they're hot. I'm going to have to designate a time-out spot. He is going to throw tantrums and say "I hate you, Mommy!" And this.......this is what I think is going to make me want another baby.

Because it's only that first year that everyone gets to play on the same team, with the same goals. And I think I'm really going to miss that when it's gone.

Weekly Menu & Recipes

2011-03-09T22:13:00.000-05:00

I'm too lazy and pressed for blogging time to link up to previous weeks or my Cooking Light post, so if you're interested you'll have to click the related posts below, click the "cooking" tag, or search.

Here's what's popping up on JLK's dinnerware this week:

Chicken Souvlaki with Tzatziki Sauce: Oh. My. God. This was so damn good and so damn easy. Except for shredding the cucumbers. That was a pain in the ass. This will be a frequent meal in our house once summer gets here, because it's just that kind of flavor. I added red bell pepper, but otherwise it was to the letter. This was the first meal I cooked using my brand spanking-new Calphalon Unison grill pan, so **BONUS** I took an actual picture of my kabobs cooking on it (just for you, CPP). Do your best to ignore my shitbox circa 1968 electric stove:

That is some sexy shit. The pan? The kabobs? Who cares? It's ALL SEXY.

Fettuccine Alfredo with Bacon - Yes, it is as good as it sounds. I LOVE this recipe, this was the second time I made it. It looks beautiful enough to serve to company, is very easy and fast but tastes like you were cooking for an hour. You MUST use fresh pasta. If you don't, you are seriously depriving yourself. Yes I know it's very expensive to buy fresh and a huge pain in the ass to make it yourself, but think about how much places like The Olive Garden charge for that shit, how many calories are in their version, and just trust me when I tell you that the $3.50 for Buitoni is totally friggin' worth it.

Beef-Broccoli Stir-fry - Meh. I have a better, similar recipe from Cooking Light that I much prefer. I did not have any hoisin sauce so I just omitted it, but otherwise I followed the rest exactly. Hubby loved it, I thought it was just okay. Pretty easy though.

White Pizza with Tomato & Basil - Haven't made this one yet, so you'll have to check back for my comments at the end of the week. My husband makes his own pizza crust, so we'll be using that instead of the prepackaged one they recommend. I'm also using canned tomatoes because at this time of year the canned stuff is better than the shit they pass off as fresh in my supermarket.

Barbecue Pulled Chicken Sliders - This one should be interesting. Hubby is super excited.

Italian Meatball Burgers - We love, love, love this recipe. It's a fantastic, very easy burger variation - particularly great if you're in the mood for a meatball sub but don't want to get take-out. I use Barilla Tomato & Basil sauce on mine.

A quick request - if you guys are actually reading my menu posts and want me to keep doing them, leave me a quick comment just to let me know. If you guys aren't that into it, I don't want to clog up my blog pages with posts no one is really reading.

To Breed or Not To Breed

2011-03-09T21:50:00.000-05:00

A and I have started talking a little bit about the possibility of having a 2nd baby. This question isn't an easy one for us - on the one hand, we never intended to only have 1. But on the other hand, the desire to focus all of our attention and resources on D, my reluctance to undergo another c-section if the pregnancy came to that, as well as the still-fresh memories of colic and continuing sleep difficulties make the image of another baby a bit less than desirable.

If you had asked me a couple of years ago, I would have said I wanted 3 kids, each about 2 years apart. D is almost 9 months old and still nursing - a 2 year age gap would mean trying to get pregnant again right after his 1st birthday in June. That's a long-ass time for my body to not be my own. Selfish? Yeah, probably. But I'm human. I wonder if it's better to get it over with sooner or to take a break while planning on giving it up again in the future.

There are really only 2 reasons that come to mind for having another child:

1. Everyone I know who was an only child says they would give anything to have a brother or sister. I don't want D to grow up thinking he missed out on something; Which those of us with siblings have to admit, he would be missing out.

2. To avoid someday regretting that we didn't have another one. Selfish? Yup. But again, only human. I worry about potential regrets - things you can't take back or undo, missed chances. For me, they are the worst feelings in the world.

Sure, I could probably add others to the list, but these are really the only 2 that stand out consistently as important reasons, at least for us.

But I worry - can we handle it? How will I divide my attention? How will the timing work out? Will I still be able to work or would I have to quit? If I have to quit, can we really afford another one?

I mean shit, it's not like we have a college fund started for the one we have. (Note to self....should really look into that at some point......)

The timing thing really gets me. I love 3-4 year-olds. I can't wait for my son to reach that age so we can play with things like Legos and play-kitchens and all that. The thought of missing out on that time with my son because of a new baby in the house makes me sad. So I think to myself that a 2 year age gap would work, but if that didn't happen we would have to skip ahead to a 4-5 year age gap. But then I wonder - is that too far apart? My sister and I are 3 1/2 years apart and we're not all that close. I wonder how much of that has to do with age and how much of it has to do with her moving away with my mom when my parents divorced.

My husband and his brother are just about 2 years apart. They are also not close, but used to be. They have this competitive dynamic between them that just creates a major wedge. They can't talk about ANYthing in their lives without it becoming a contest somehow. I don't want that shit going down in my family.

I didn't love being pregnant. Most of the time, to be honest, I didn't even really like it. There were things that were cool, and many things that sucked. And I was lucky enough to have a very easy pregnancy, albeit one that culminated in a nightmare labor and delivery, but the prior 38 weeks were mostly a cakewalk. So I'm not one of those chicks who's like "Ooooh.....I can't wait to be pregnant again! It was the happiest time in my life!" No offense to any of you who ARE that chick, that's just not me.

Nor am I one of those chicks who's like "My baby's growing up so quickly......I just miss him/her being small and cuddly and I really want to have that again." Nope, again not me. I vividly remember the hours of my colicky infant screaming inconsolably and counting the days until the 12 week mark, saying to myself "That's when this is supposed to end.....3 months.......just make it to 3 months without killing yourself......." Then reaching 12 weeks and still no end in sight. It was about 15-16 weeks before it stopped. That was the longest 4 fucking month period of my entire life.

And sleeping. Ohmygod sleeping. This one could go either way - wait to have another one, get normal sleep back sooner but have to give it up again later, or be complete zombies for the next 2-3 years but get that part over and done with so by 2015 or so we can maybe get 8 hours a night every night. Be still my heart......just the thought makes me swoon!

I want to hear from the peanut gallery out there. If you have a post on your blog somewhere about your decision to have or not have another child, link up so I can go read it. If not, tell me about it here in the comments. For those of you with more than one - how'd you come to the decision if it was on purpose? What was the transition like to go from 1 to 2 kids? Did you purposely space them? If baby #2 was more of a "surprise" how did you react? If you only have one and only want the one, how did you arrive at that decision? Etc., Etc., etc.

Basically, tell me all about it folks.

Tuesday Evening Ramblings

2011-03-08T21:56:00.000-05:00

As I sit here on this Tuesday evening, drinking a glass of ~~cheap-ass~~ wine after putting the baby to bed, besides thinking about how drunk I'm going to be after 3-4 sips of ~~this shit~~ riesling, I find myself thinking that I'm feeling a bit isolated these days.

Yes, Aunt Becky, I'm going to write that post you skipped after deciding it was too whiny.

I have plenty of acquaintances who are moms, but none who I'm really close with. I have one who I've been "mom-dating" pretty steadily, mainly because her daughter is only a month older than my son, but we're by no means exclusive BFFs. We know each other well as moms - it's the only context in which we've spent time together - and though our parenting styles can be very different at times, we both accept and respect each other's way of doing things and actually enjoy talking about our differences because of that.

But as women, it doesn't seem we have much in common. Our personalities are different, our senses of humor are different, and although the gaps are not too wide to bridge, they can't be ignored completely.

The closest thing I have to a best GF is a friend who is not yet a mom, who still parties pretty hard, and has a husband who makes it virtually impossible for her to hang out with her friends on her own because he's also friends with all of us. And ever since we moved 25 mins away (even though it's only 8 miles), it's been extremely difficult to coordinate a way to spend time together.

Because I work full-time (albeit from home), I can't really join a playgroup and I'm not sure I'd really want to anymore anyway, and I'm living in a new town where I don't know anyone. I also do not live in a "neighborhood" setting - I have one neighbor on one side with a 6 year-old son who is never home, and a neighbor across the street with what appears to be a 2 year-old daughter, but I'd never know because she has never introduced herself or even waved. (Though she has no problem letting her goddamn dog on my lawn......but that's another story for another day.)

So where does this leave me?

In the motherfucking blogosphere, that's where. And frustrated, to boot.

"Why are you frustrated, JLK?"

I'm so glad you asked. Thanks for caring about my feelings, Blogosphere. See, every day I read these wonderful, awesome, kick-ass blog posts from these amazing women who bare it all for The Internetz to see. In some ways, there are bloggers I feel I know better than the people in my real life because of the things they choose to share on their pages.

Now of course here I am giving the benefit of the doubt (or as my husband says, benefit of doubt - who is right????) and just believing that the public persona matches the private persona of these women. But even if it doesn't - it would take a heck of a masterful writer to pull off some of these personalities if they were in no way a reflection of self. (Again, here's looking at you, Aunt Becky!)

I am constantly hunting for bloggers who live in my neck of the woods. PhizzleDizzle up and moved far, far away (not that she was that close in the first place, but driving distance at least) and she was really all I had. I've looked at blogs from people in my state who identify themselves as such, and so far I have to say, they're written by women who I don't think I would have ANYthing in common with whatsoever.

There are so many of you out there though who I absolutely adore - those of you whose pages I read and think "Now THIS chick is someone I could get drunk and have great conversations with!" But then I find out at least in general terms what your geographic location is, and I think "Goddammit! We'd have to get drunk over Skype or some shit!"

And we all know that's just not the same. You especially know this if your spouse/partner is in the military.

Ahem.

Anyway. So I'm grateful to have found all of you over there on my blogroll, because you've made me realize that I am not alone in this crazy ass journey of motherhood/adulthood/womanhood and that there are people out there with the same sick sense of humor and appreciation of random shit that I have. I love you all for it. But I also wish you were all just a car ride away where we could meet up for Mexican food and margaritas or hang out at my place with a glass of ~~ass~~ Yellow Tail riesling or some Captain & Coke Zero and make fun of stupid people. Or something.

Bottom line - if any of you are heading out to New England anytime soon - hit me up. Because JLK needs more people in her life like you guys.

It Feels Good To Be Queen

2011-03-07T22:26:00.000-05:00

Apparently I have a talent. Too bad I can't turn it into a profitable enterprise. Yet.

Over at Mommy Shorts I recently won my second reader-judged caption contest!

And if you're bored, here is the first caption contest I won over there!

A few words about Mommy Shorts, aka Ilana Rosengarten: She writes what I consider to be one of the best Mommy blogs out there. She's funny, she's down-to-earth, and her daughter Mazzy is downright adorable. If I lived in NY I would be begging to be her BFF. Back in December I read her entire blog archive in a single sitting and now I'm hooked.

So not that I've been drumming up a whole lot of traffic via the mommy blogs, but if you're looking for something new and amusing to read, head on over to Ilana's page and I guarantee you won't be sorry.

Thanks, Mommy Shorts, for crowning me once again - this shout-out's for YOU!

Babes In Toyland

2011-03-05T09:35:00.000-05:00

D is getting bored with the toys he has. He doesn't have a lot - just the basic stuff like blocks, those dangly stuffed animals with little mirrors and crinkle sounds, stackable rings, rattles, etc. I need to get him some new stuff to play with, but I have no idea what to get. 8 months is such an odd age for buying toys. I would like to find some toys he'll play with for awhile before outgrowing them.

Any Mommas or Daddas have any suggestions for me?

Frustrated by The Crazies

2011-03-03T12:41:00.000-05:00

Thanks, Mompetition, for pointing this one out. I thought I was done with Blossom's bullshit, but she keeps shoveling it onto the Internetz:

First, read THIS STEAMING PILE

Then, read THIS AWESOME PIECE OF BLOGGY GOODNESS

Here's my comment on Valerie's post:

All I could think when reading her goddamn awful post was that there is a difference between letting your children learn at their own pace, and letting them learn at YOUR pace. She said in her first blog about being an attachment parent that she believes in "wearing" your children - as often as possible, as much as possible.

Common sense (as well as my degree in psychology) suggests to me that perhaps carrying your child around everywhere is the reason he didn't walk until he was 17 months old. Or roll over until he was a year old.

GAH! I hate extreme parenting!!!! I believe in letting kids be kids while teaching them the things they need to know in order to be good, responsible, independent adults. I just can't imagine purposely hindering my kid's development and then justifying that hindrance - calling it child-centered anything!

The balls! The BALLS OF BLOSSOM!!!

Gerber Is Undermining My Credibility

2011-02-28T15:41:00.000-05:00

I don't do well with contradictory information. Not when I have no idea wtf I'm doing.

Hello, parenthood!

Shortly before my son was born, I went out and bought What To Expect the First Year. I figured, "Why not? I mean, I have no idea what to expect!" I have never treated it like a bible, but I've used it pretty consistently as a guideline for things I don't want to bother my awesome pediatrician with.

Like beginning to feed D solids. Most of it is pretty simple and straightforward - start with cereals and simple fruit & vegetable purees, move up to the mixed stuff and thicker purees, feed the baby the same thing 2-3 days in a row and check for reactions. Did all that.

Now D is 8 months old, has 2 bottom teeth, and we've started giving him little bits of table food in addition to his regular baby food. (He LOVES my Italian Beef Stew!) I had wanted to venture into making my own baby food for him so I went out and bought Cooking Light: First Foods because, as you all know, I am obsessed with Cooking Light.

Nothing particularly interesting or controversial here, just basic baby food recipes. It gets really good when you get to the toddler stage. But I digress.

So What To Expect gives you a list of things you are not supposed to feed a baby until they reach a certain age - nuts, honey, certain fish and shellfish, egg whites, citrus fruits and juices, etc. I was like "Okay, no big deal. There's plenty of other things to try in the meantime."

But my husband is convinced that this book is bullshit. All baby books, actually. He wants to feed D scrambled eggs when he makes breakfast on the weekends. He wants to give him little bits of orange and strawberry. He wants to let him try peanut butter and lick the salt off of his snack peanuts. And I'm all "Oh noes! You can't do that! WTE says you can't do it because of food allergies and blah blah blah and ZOMG please don't!!!"

He just gives me a withering look and says "Helicopter much?" Which really pisses me off because if I have one single goal as a parent, it is to not become a so-called Helicopter Parent.

I managed to convince him to just let it go, at least for now, by arguing that there are so many other things we can feed him, we don't need to be in a hurry for those specific allergy-risk foods. He rolled his eyes, but let it go.

On a recent trip to the grocery store during which I needed to stock up on some jar baby food, I noticed a couple of things. First, Gerber makes level 2 purees that include fruits from the no-no list - oranges, pineapple, strawberries. Second, many of the level 2 mixed foods such as mixed veggies with whole wheat pasta contain EGG WHITES and TUNA OIL.

WTF???

So now I'm kinda pissed. Why does WTE tell me that I can't feed my kid oranges, but it's okay for Gerber to do it? Why do they tell me to only feed him egg yolks, not the whites, but it's okay for Gerber to do it? And most importantly....

What the hell do I say to my husband NOW??? (Besides you were right. Ugh, I gag just typing that!)

The bastards.

Weekly Menu & Recipes

2011-02-27T11:29:00.000-05:00

See the related posts link at the bottom for some background on my weekly menu posts. Be sure to check back for my reviews in the comments section next week!

The theme this week seems to be substituting proteins, as you're about to see:

Chicken Orzo Salad w/ Goat Cheese - This is one of my all-time favorite recipes. It tastes so good the next day after it's nice and cold and the flavors have blended in the fridge. I chose this recipe this week to use up the rest of the goat cheese from the walnut pasta dish I made last week, and I'm making it specifically for my lunches. So tasty, so good for you, so damn easy.

It really does look this pretty too.

Sauteed Cod w/ Plum Tomatoes & Spinach + roasted red potatoes. The original recipe calls for Snapper, which I couldn't find so I decided to go with some fresh Cod Loin instead. I have never cooked cod before, so we'll see how it goes.

Spicy Sweet & Sour Chicken - A new Asian-influenced dish for us. I was drawn to this recipe because the blurb describes the sauce as "lighter and fresher-tasting" than the version you find in restaurants. We'll see how accurate that is. I plan on serving over white rice.

Salmon w/ Orange-Caper Relish w/ salad- Original recipe is for Arctic Char, which I have never once seen in my life. But Salmon is a ready sub for Arctic Char, so that's what we're going with. I wanted to try this one while oranges are still pretty good quality.

Chicken a la Provencal over mixed greens & garlic bread - This recipe was written for Halibut, but the page from the magazine issue says it also works well with chicken. I didn't want to overload on fish this week since it's not cheap, so I decided to try it with the chicken. I've been sitting on this one for awhile because I couldn't find Herbs de Provence, but as soon as I found them in the market I decided to pull this recipe out to give it a go.

Corn & Potato Chowder - I love everything about chowders - making them, eating them. I already have a pretty good corn chowder recipe, but I want to try the Cooking Light version to see how it compares.

Sauteed Chicken Breasts w/ Balsamic Vinegar Pan Sauce + Pecorino-Garlic Brussels Sprouts. Another basic chicken recipe to try. I don't typically eat Brussels sprouts. Although I love most vegetables in this world, I never quite warmed up to this one. There never seemed to be enough butter in the world to make them taste good. But in an effort to broaden our horizons and set a good example for the baby, we're going to give this one a shot. I figure, anything with Pecorino & garlic has to be at least pretty good, right?

Spaghetti w/ Meatballs - My hubby requested this meal for this week since he's been craving some basic pasta. Confession - I will be using Barilla Tomato & Basil sauce out of the jar because a) it's goddamn good stuff and b) I don't have the time or patience to make my own sauce at this point. So the recipe link is really for the meatballs, which I have never made by hand before. I imagine the turkey sausage is going to make them pretty damn awesome, I plan on using hot sausage rather than sweet.

Sleep: The Experiment

2011-02-22T10:47:00.000-05:00

The Problem: D's sleep has been going haywire for a couple of months now. He used to sleep from about 10-10:30pm until between 6 and 7am. When he woke up in the morning, I would take him back to bed with me, nurse him, and he would go back to sleep until about 8:30-9. It was glorious. His naps during the day were shorter - he would be awake for 2 hours, sleep for 45-90 mins, and go through this cycle again about 3-4 times during the day.

Now, he goes to bed about 9-9:30pm. Sometimes, like last night, he will sleep until 5-6am. We have a rule in our house - No Babies In The Bed Until 6:30am. So when he wakes up, I nurse him and try to put him back in his crib once he falls back asleep. Lately, this doesn't work and he wakes up as soon as you put him down. Then I try bringing him back in bed with me. No dice. He kicks me, pulls my hair, whines, does everything BUT go back to sleep. This means that on the best nights, when he doesn't wake up several times in between, I get 6 hours of sleep. And That. Sucks.

So we get up, he plays. Then he gets exhausted and whiny and goes down for a nap around 10am. This nap has been known to be as long as 3.5 hours. Later in the afternoon he might take another nap for 45mins-1hr, and sometimes if we're lucky we'll get an early evening nap after dinner.

In summation, the kid's sleep pattern is fucked up and I need to fix it before I lose my mind.

Literature Review: A search of The Googlez, a flip through What To Expect The First Year, Baby 411, and every other baby book, message board, article I can find recommend Crying It Out, The Ferber Method, and various other so-called "Sleep-Training Methods" that others find successful. D does not respond to any of them. He will cry until his little lungs collapse and then not only did no one get any sleep, but I feel guilty as hell on top of that.

Some of the literature suggests that babies at this age begin to change their nap routines - adding and dropping naps, sleeping longer or shorter amounts of time, taking naps at different times. But there seems to be something else going on here because his nighttime sleeping is also being affected.

He is no longer sick. He is not currently teething.

Hypothesis: The disturbance in his sleep seems to coincide with the winter equinox. It has been gradually getting worse. In this amateur scientist's opinion, it is very likely that the lengthening daylight hours have been fucking with my baby's head. This possibility is not mentioned in any of the literature to date.

I believe the fact that my room has an eastern exposure and no curtains means that the earlier sunrise is making it difficult for D to fall back asleep in my room, but that he also won't go back to sleep in his room because he knows it is time to go lay with Mommy in her big bed. I think this is why his first morning nap is so long, because he is making up for the earlier waking time through a routine nap.

I think this problem is compounded by the later sunset, which seems to make him think that bedtime is sometimes actually his evening nap. When he does not have an early evening nap, he tends to sleep until 11:30-12 and then wakes up again and we have to nurse him, rock him, dance him back to sleep.

If we can get him to go back to sleep in the morning after his first awakening, I think it will reset his internal clock back by a couple of hours and his routine will fall back into place.

Materials: Room-darkening curtains to be placed in the master bedroom, since the baby's room already has some.

Method: Bribe my husband to finally, Finally, Finally put up the curtain rods in the master bedroom so I can hang up the curtains myself. Once they are in place, I will retry the method of bringing the baby into my room to sleep in the morning. Data will consist of whether or not the child returns to sleep, coded as "Yes" or "No" and the amount of the sleep recorded if the response is "Yes."

Data will be collected beginning on 2/23/11 and continue until Mama gets some motherfucking sleep.

Check back for the results.

Oh yeah, and wish me luck!

Weekly Menu & Recipes

2011-02-17T21:45:00.000-05:00

This week is a little longer than usual. I won't get into the whole explanation so let's just say I can't always get to the grocery store on the same day every week so sometimes I have to plan more meals in advance than normal.

So here's what's being eaten in JLK's dining room this week:

Walnut-Breadcrumb Pasta w/ a Soft Egg. Ate this tonight. I thought it was pretty good, my husband didn't like it at all and told me to throw away the recipe. So I won't be making this again. My recommendations - absolutely MUST use fresh linguine, I think it would be disgusting with dried linguine; I didn't think there was any added value using a fresh French bread loaf, I think it would've been fine with some regular old breadcrumbs; If I was going to make it again, I wouldn't grind the walnuts up as finely as I did this time. I think a coarse grind would have added some interesting textural variation; Finally, don't skip the goat cheese unless you're morally opposed to it or something. It's just too damn good to leave out.

Chicken w/ Creamy Dijon sauce + Yukon gold mashed potatoes + veggies. The chicken is a new one for us, I'll let you know how it comes out in the comments.

Southwest Salsa Burgers + Herbed Sweet Potato Fries. If you try no other recipe that I post on this blog, try this one. (Both, actually, but especially the burgers.) Get the good fresh salsa that they keep in the produce section with the prechopped veggies and salad. I like to use Sargento sliced reduced-fat pepper jack cheese on mine, and I often skip the tomato slices and just put the extra salsa on top. These come out so juicy, so flavorful, so good, it's ridiculous. I've even made them as sliders to bring to a party. The sweet potato fries are so quick and easy but the taste is amazing. I don't even measure the herbs anymore, just sprinkle them on as I please. I use Alexia frozen sweet potato fries that I get at Costco to make them and they're fantastic. I guarantee your kids will love them!

Turkey Sausage-Gnocchi Soup. I made this one a couple of weeks ago and my husband has been asking ever since for me to make a big batch of it and freeze some for his work lunches. So that's what I'll be doing on Sunday. See my previous post about this recipe here. The review is in the comments section.

Falafel w/ Avocado Spread. We'll be trying this one on Monday. Supposedly Cooking Light's best vegetarian entree.

Lemony Chicken Saltimbocca w/ angel hair pasta. I have made this one before. A loves it, I thought it was pretty good and easy. We're mainly eating it this week because I have another recipe that uses prosciutto and I didn't want to waste any. I won't be using the fresh sage leaves this time though because it's not worth the cost of a package for just the 2 of us, so I'll be sprinkling with sage instead. This is a very pretty dish, worthy of serving to company (it really does look like this when you make it):

Chicken w/ Pico de Gallo + Cilantro rice. This recipe is a freebie, because I won't be making the pico de gallo as described. Instead I'm going to use some more of the fresh salsa I bought for my salsa burgers. That means I'm basically salt & peppering the chicken, frying it, and throwing some salsa on top. Works for me! The cilantro rice recipe is on the same page in the magazine issue but doesn't appear to be online. I've struck out with every other basic rice from them with my husband, but this one has more to it than just cilantro and salt so I'm hoping this one will be good. I'll let you know!

Rotini, Summer Squash & Prosciutto Salad w/ Rosemary Dressing. This is what I bought the prosciutto for. Hopefully the weather stays relatively warm on Thursday so I'll feel all summery eating a fancy salad for dinner!

Chicken & Black Bean-Stuffed Burritos + Roasted Red Pepper & Corn Salsa. We LOVED this burrito recipe the last time I made it, so I'm excited to have it again. I was thrown for a side dish though, so I did some hunting on the Cooking Light website and found this salsa. I'm planning on trying it warm, I think. We'll see how it goes!

Responsible Journalism in the LA Times!

2011-02-17T13:47:00.000-05:00

The headline says it all:

"Diet soda and heart, stroke risk: A link doesn't prove cause and effect"

Holy crap, Batman! I can't remember the last time I read such a responsible article in a newspaper reporting scientific findings.

Bravo to you, Rosie Mestel, for reporting science the way it should be reported!

This Week's Menu & Recipes

2011-02-12T18:24:00.000-05:00

For background on why I'm posting menus or to see last week's menu, click on my post Tips for Eating Healthy as a Family. Be sure to check the comments at the end of the week to see my reviews of any new dishes we tried this week.

Chicken Orzo Soup & Grilled Cheese on whole wheat. Love this soup, it's very easy and is a slight modification of chicken noodle. This week I forgot to cook the orzo using the chicken broth and used water instead, but I didn't taste the difference. Oh well.

Fall Vegetable Curry & Cashew Basmati Rice

Italian Beef Stew. A and I love, Love, LOVE this recipe. The cooking time is a little daunting at 2 hrs 40 mins, but the hands-on time isn't too bad and the end result really is worth it. A little heavy on prep work, but you can save time by buying pre-chopped veggies and asking your butcher to trim and cut the beef for you at the store. The first time I made this I did it exactly as directed, but we felt it could use a little more bulk so this time I added celery, diced new potatoes, and peas. The recipe says it makes 8 servings, but I get more like 5-6 out of this as a main dish with no sides. It also reheats well.

Chicken Shawarma. I've made this one once before, and though the flavor is really good, A requested that I put the filling inside the pita next time instead of on top to make it easier to eat. I also recommend making the yogurt sauce a little ahead of time and refrigerate it to blend the flavors before serving. A very easy and flavorful recipe.

Salisbury Steak w/ Mushroom Gravy, Herbed Smashed Potatoes and Buttered Peas w/ Shallots. I love the Salisbury steak and the buttered peas, this week is the first time I'm using the recipe for the herbed smashed potatoes.

Hawaiian Chicken.

Roasted Chicken Chimichangas. We enjoyed this recipe last time also. The green salsa is crucial to get the right flavor otherwise they can be pretty bland. I never buy whole chickens precooked so I just throw some chicken breasts in the oven with salt, pepper, and cumin and then shred once baked through. If you have precooked chicken, this recipe is really fast and easy.

Bon appetit!

Why Can't Someone.....

2011-02-11T10:25:00.000-05:00

...make Nyquil for babies???

First, I got sick. Then the baby started coughing and sneezing. My husband followed suit.

The last time D was sick you couldn't even tell if it weren't for how congested he sounded. This time he's miserable and refuses to sleep, waking up every hour/hr and a half last night. He was supposed to go to my mother's today because I had traveling to do for work, but I ended up keeping him home and cancelling my meetings.

Thankfully he doesn't have a fever, at least not yet. But he's so miserable, the poor thing. And all I want/need him to do is rest but he just can't seem to relax. I'm nursing him constantly to give him as many of my antibodies as I can, which feels like robbing Peter to pay Paul. But hey, Paul is more important.

But seriously.....Nyquil for babies would be Awesome. I would invest right now in that R & D.

I have some posts in mind for you guys if I get a free moment today or this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed for my well-being.

When Mama's Away

2011-02-04T11:28:00.000-05:00

After I had D I was fortunate enough to be home with him for 11 weeks. My husband had to go back to work after 3. Prior to the baby, A had said he thought it would be very important for us to each have a night away every week (or a day) to go out and do stuff on our own or with friends. I thought this was a great idea, but also knew that I would not ever be the one to get out every single week.

During that first 11 weeks I came to learn a lot about D, mostly through trial and error. A wanted to figure things out on his own, so I tried my best to hold my tongue when he was around and let him work it out for himself. Sometimes this worked, sometimes not so much.

After about 6 weeks, I decided to take my first night out away from the baby for a couple of hours and bring a friend out for drinks on her birthday. I came home to find a screaming newborn, a stressed-out hubby, and chaos in general.

3 weeks later, I tried again. I went out for a couple of hours with old friends from high school. After the first hour I texted my husband to see how it was going. No answer. I tried again. No answer. At that point I could no longer focus on having fun and relaxing, I was too worried about what was going on at home. So I left and headed home. I walked in the door to a screaming infant, a stressed-out hubby, and chaos in general.

2 months later, I tried again. I went to a friend's house 5 mins away from where we lived at the time. I texted A to see how it was going. 20 mins later he said it was going okay. I breathed a sigh of relief and enjoyed myself for a couple of hours. I came home to find a sleeping infant, a bitchy hubby, and an argument waiting to happen. "Right after I told you he was doing okay, he started screaming and didn't stop for like an hour and a half. I just got him down like 20 mins ago. Now I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

Goddammit.

If I have gone out since then, I don't remember. Just this week I had to go out grocery shopping at night because of the impending ice storm the next day (when I had planned to go originally). I was gone for a little over an hour. When I came home, A informed me that D started freaking out right after I left and didn't stop until right before I came back.

Seriously, WTF.

Now, while I don't want to imply that my husband is doing something wrong, no one else seems to have this problem. My mom watches him and most of the time he's fine all day. My sister watches him and he's always fine unless it's nighttime and she needs to put him to bed without us. But for some reason, when it's A's turn to do single-parent-duty, D apparently loses his little GD mind as soon as I'm not there.

For the last 3 weeks, between work, the constant shoveling/snowblowing/roof snow removal, volleyball tournaments, etc., A has not really been around much and I have been doing single-parent-duty all day, every day, and most nights. This weekend is a drill weekend for him which translates to a 7-day work week. We have a military event to go to tomorrow night after he is released from drill, and then Sunday night is the Superbowl so the 3 of us will be going to a friend's house for the game.

I have an opportunity to go out tonight for a couple hours with a friend for some girl time. I can't decide if I want to or not. I know I need to get away from childcare duties for a little while, but the horrific guilt I feel when A has a hard time with him overshadows any fun I may have had. Not to mention the fact that I haven't seen A very much these past few weeks and won't see him alone at all this weekend.

But part of me is tired of only being able to leave the house when I am paying a babysitter. A gets mad at the slightest suggestion that he doesn't know what the kid wants, so I feel like saying "Then suck it up, buddy" when I go out and the kid is miserable.

But the other part of me is also guilty over thinking the kid is going to be miserable all night and if I was there he wouldn't be. I hate disrupting his routine. But the separation anxiety is going to kick in full-force pretty soon and then I will be screwed.

How about you guys? Did any of you deal with this in the past or are dealing with it now? What do you guys think?

Pregnant Women

2011-02-03T10:04:00.000-05:00

Saw this today over at Dr. Isis and wanted to re-post, because it's pretty darn funny.

Screw You, Bravo

2011-02-02T15:48:00.000-05:00

I don't have cable anymore. We stopped paying for it as soon as we realized that nearly everything you get on cable that's worth a damn can be watched online for free. That perspective really makes it feel like you've been pissing $100 out a window for awhile, right?

Right.

So we cancelled cable, and thanks to sites like Hulu.com and ComedyCentral.com, I get to watch pretty much everything and anything I find interesting anytime I want.

Except for one stupid fucking network.

Yeah, I'm looking at you, Bravo. You asshole. (Or azul, as Domestic Diva might say.)

See, I got hooked on Bravo's shitty reality TV while I was home with a newborn all last summer. The Real Housewives, Rachel Zoe (who's pregnant! Yippee!), Top Chef, Millionaire Matchmaker. You name it, I probably watched it. And my husband made fun of me for it.

But apparently Bravo thinks their shit is too good to be watched for free online. Which is ridiculous when you consider all they do, all week long, is run mini-marathons of their shitty shows over. And Over. AND OVER AGAIN.

I've been pissed about this for awhile. "Watch full episodes online for free anytime at BravoTV.com!" Fuck you, liars. I've already written to Bravo about this issue.

The bastards put totally random-ass episodes up online for free. Never in order, never on the same day of the week. And then they pull them after like 2 weeks.

What prompted this particular rant?

The fact that I received an update to let me know that The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion: PART TWO!!!!! was now available to watch online.

Not part one. That was never available. Not the season finale, which I also have not seen. Not even the last 2-3 episodes of the season, which they also have never put up.

I hate you, Bravo. You got me addicted and now only give me random fixes at your whim.

So there, Bravo! Put that in your Full Episodes Player and smoke it!

The Things I Miss Most

2011-02-02T06:00:00.001-05:00

Ah, I remember JLK back in B.C. (read: Before Child). I will have these things again, but while my son is still an infant I will miss them and remember them fondly.

1. Free time. Now, whenever I am not tending to the baby I am running around the house trying to clean, do endless piles of laundry, run to the grocery store, take a quick shower. And, oh yeah, WORK. I miss staring at the wall sometimes and being all "I'm bored."

mi annoio.

2. Sleeping. I think this one speaks for itself, but seriously? The biggest fear I have about having another child is that I might Never. Sleep. Again! And I used to sleep til 1pm on the weekends. Man, those were the days.....

3. Drinking. Actually, this one should say "the enjoyment of drinking" because I can still drink in moderation and even over-indulge if I have bottles lined up with the babysitter and the pump on hand, but it's not the same. I'm all ~~boring~~ responsible now and start to get paranoid if I even have a slight buzz that something will happen and I'll be That Mom In The News that everyone tsks at. No thanks. I'll wait until he's in college and then go on a bender.

4. Drawing/Painting/Coloring, etc. Ha! Caught you off-guard with that one, didn't I? Me too when it hit me the other day. When inspiration would strike, I used to pull out all my art supplies and sit for hours and hours doing a single work all in one shot. Now I have to write blog posts over the course of 3-4 days, for crying out loud! And I have this super-sweet coloring book I got a little while back too that mellows me the heck out when I have the time to sit down with it. (See left panel. If you ignore the fake-Twilight theme, the coloring pages themselves are pretty sweet.)

5. Going Out Just Because I Feel Like It. To the store. To Starbucks. Even to the goddamn post office. Now I only get one day a week to do that while my mom watches the rugrat. But see #1 above - I usually spend that time working on the house, aka The Money Pit.

I love that movie. Especially now that we have a house. That reminds me.....my roof is probably collapsing from all this GD snow and ice!

Now tell me, peeps, what are the things you miss most, Before Children, Before Grad School, or perhaps even just Before Adult Responsibility?

And if you would be so kind as to click the link below to vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs, I'd be ever-so-grateful.

Pillow Talk

2011-02-01T11:32:00.001-05:00

Last night my husband and I were laying in bed, about to go to sleep when the following conversation took place:

Me: Well, so I'd cuddle up to you, but since you said you don't like that, I'll just stay over here on my side.

A: I never said I don't like it.

Me: Yes you did. You said "I don't enjoy it."

A: Exactly. It's not that I don't like it. It's that it's not enjoyable.

Me: WTF?! *giggles*

A: What?

Me: LOL. You're kidding me, right?

A: .............

Me: You know, it's not that it isn't fun, it's that it just plain sucks for me. *laughing*

A: *Trying not to laugh* Shut up.

Me: You know, it's not that I'm not attracted to you, it's that you're an ugly sack of shit. **convulsing with laughter**

A: *stifling giggles* Oh, go to sleep.

5 minutes of quiet pass.......

Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

A: *SNORE*

Some quick begging - if you like my blog, please take a moment to click the banner below to vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs. My current ranking is absolutely pathetic and I need the positive reinforcement to keep up my motivation. And, ya know, my self-esteem and what-not.

Tips for Eating Healthy as a Family, or My Obsession with Cooking Light

2011-01-31T15:34:00.002-05:00

Some of you might think I'm a bit psychotic after reading this post, and you might be right. But I imagine that some of you out there, like me, love to cook but find that it gets difficult to cook and eat healthy meals after a baby graces your household. Or maybe you don't have kids, don't cook but would like to start, or are looking for ways to get out of a rut of boring meals. If you fall into any of these categories, I may be able to help you out.

A few months before I got pregnant with my son, I visited an old high school friend and her 2 yr-old daughter. As we got to talking, she told me her current project was cooking her way through the Cooking Light cookbook, to make sure that her family was eating healthy but also to make sure that her daughter was exposed to all sorts of different foods. Watching her daughter eat couscous, baby spinach, pine nuts, and whatever else we ate that day, I was impressed and inspired. Even though my son wasn't even a glimmer in my eye yet, I decided right then and there that one of my goals in having children would be to raise an adventurous, healthy eater.

I went straight to Amazon.com and bought the same Cooking Light cookbook. (See the side panel.) I started trying out recipe after recipe from it, and about 99% of them were A.Maz.Ing. My husband started trying out new foods he never would have looked twice at before, and we both loved our new culinary adventures. We were hooked.

I bought a 2-yr subscription to the magazine and started frequenting the website. When the latest issue shows up in my mailbox, I feel like it's Christmas. I start tearing out recipes and putting them into a binder of things to make and review.

When my son was born, my cooking stopped completely for a few months. Between the c-section recovery and the sheer exhaustion, I didn't have it in me. But I love to cook and prepackaged foods just didn't taste the same anymore, so I decided I needed to just get back into it. I devised a system that appeases my anal, highly-organized self and keeps grocery costs and wasted food in check.

Tip #1: Create a menu for the week ahead.

Every week I create a menu for the following week's dinners using recipes I find from Cooking Light. I go through my binder or my cookbook and pull out the recipes I think I want to make. Then I go through them, looking for the fresh ingredients I know I don't have on-hand. Things like goat cheese, for example, are not something I keep in the fridge, so if I want to make a recipe that uses goat cheese, I try to find at least one other recipe that uses the same ingredient so that none of it goes to waste.

Tip #2: Build variety into the menu to keep from getting bored.

The majority of what we eat is chicken, but every week I also try to include a pasta dish, 1 or 2 red meat dishes, a vegetarian, and a fish if I find a new recipe that uses an item that is carried in my supermarket's seafood section. Usually, 4 or 5 of the dinners I make in a given week are brand new things to try. I find this gets me more excited to cook. At the end of the week, I write little notes on the recipe page of the ones that we enjoyed such as whether it was fast and easy, any suggestions for next time, etc. Those that we enjoy get added to the 3-ring sections of the binder, those we didn't get tossed in the garbage.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.....

Tip #3: Find a good source for recipes and use them to build your grocery list so you'll know you have everything on hand that you need for any given night.

When I have the recipes pulled that I want to make this week, I go through each one and look at the ingredients, preparation time, and compare these things to our family calendar. On a day that I know my husband is home, I can plan to make a meal that is a little more time and prep-intensive. The opposite is true on the days we have something going on in the evening or when he'll be working late. Recipes that use fresh ingredients that don't last long in the fridge (fresh pasta, special cuts of meat, etc) need to be made as soon after the grocery shopping trip as possible. So I figure all this out and line up the menu accordingly. I also try to consider leftovers - recipes for 6-8 servings will give my husband and I leftovers we can eat for lunch during the week, so I try to make the bigger meals between Sunday and Tuesday.

Tip #4: Make more than you need and refrigerate leftovers for daily lunches to keep food costs down and give you healthy and quick choices for lunch.

Tip #5: Organize your grocery list according to store layout to minimize shopping time and frustration.

For me, grocery shopping is one of the very few occasions where I get to leave the house baby-free for an hour or so. But even that isn't guaranteed, so I do my grocery list in such a way that it minimizes time in the store. On the backside of my menu, I write down headings for different sections: produce, deli, meats, dry goods, frozen, etc. I picture the grocery store in my head while I write the list so I can write things down in a way that makes them easy to remember and find.

I go back through my recipes one at a time, and add the items I need to the list under the appropriate heading, skipping the ingredients I know I have on hand. When I get to the store, I pretty much stick to just the list unless there's some really good sale on something, which keeps food costs under control.

Tip #6: Do prep work for meals when/if you have a chance during the day, or spend the extra money for pre-chopped vegetables and other prepared ingredients to save time.

On weekdays I try to get all my chopping and various prep work done during naptime, so that when it's time to start cooking I'm ready to go, with all my ingredients and utensils out on the counter waiting for me. Most nights, dinner is on the table by 6:30, occasionally as late as 7pm. But when it gets there, it's fresh, healthy, and 9 times out of 10, very tasty. I love Cooking Light because it doesn't use artificial ingredients like sweeteners or fake butter. It makes the most of fresh ingredients and spices and cuts out unnecessary fat, calories, and sodium. I've never thrown away a meal from Cooking Light because it tasted bad or gross - there are just always some that are better than others.

Tip #7: Don't be afraid to try new things. If you don't like it, you can always order pizza. After all, you ate healthy all week long!

So for those who are curious, here are the recipes on my menu this week, with links. They are all new recipes for us this time:

Chicken w/ Sage Browned Butter + mashed Yukon Gold potatoes + steamed broccoli

Chicken Scallopini + wild rice + spinach salad

English Cottage Pie

Turkey Sausage-Gnocchi Soup + Oven-Baked Zucchini Chips

Smoky Potato Pancakes (Latkes) + salad

Coconut Chicken Fingers + sweet potato fries

Beef, Cheese, & Noodle Bake (This one is a throwback to my former obsession with Hamburger Helper)

***UPDATE*** On 2-2, I received an email from the Circle of Moms (group? App? whatever the fuck it is), titled "7 Tips on Eating Healthy for Busy Moms" or some shit like that. It was basically all the same stuff I posted here. So listen up, Circle of Moms - don't rip off my site or I will hunt you down and find you and punch you in your whore mouth. I realize that my tips here aren't all that unique, but to post the same number, same things, 2 days after I did, well that's got to be more than a coincidence.

GD Bastards.

Who or What?

2011-01-31T11:45:00.001-05:00

The Unlikely Grad Student recently asked this question over at her blog:

Who do you want to be when you grow up?

I have wasted a lot of time in my life asking myself what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I never really spent any time asking myself who. Her post gave me pause and I found myself thinking about it for days afterward.

Who do I want to be when I grow up? Who did I want to be when I grew up? Am I that person? Has my time been spent pursuing that person or did I get distracted?

When I was younger and particularly when I was a child, I knew I wanted to create things. I've always had artistic inclinations, in large part due to my artist/painter grandmother with whom I spent many a school vacation while growing up. She taught me to draw, paint, and sew when I was very small. I made my own doll clothes and put on impromptu fashion shows at her house using scraps of fabric from clothing she had made. I had the Fashion Plates set and spent hours and hours pretending I was a designer. When I was 8 or 9 I created a portfolio of original clothing designs complete with fabric samples for each outfit. I still have it in the attic somewhere.

When I was 11 or 12 I thought maybe I wanted to be an architect. Using huge sheets of drafting paper, I designed my "dream house." To scale. It was about 45,000 sq ft and included full suites for each one of my family members, a "rec room" with a full-size basketball court, an indoor swimming pool, and servants' quarters. I went through countless magazines and catalogs, tearing out images of furniture, bedding, and decor for every single room of the house, labeled them accordingly, and put them into a 3-ring binder with tabs.

Yes, I was that kid. And now I am that adult.

When I realized the odds of making it as a fashion designer (in the days before things like Project Runway) and the amount of boring-ass math required to be an architect, I decided to go in another direction. I found psychology.

I looked at research as a creative endeavor - creating a hypothesis, designing experiments, writing up findings, etc. I pursued it as such for a very long time. But when the reality of grad school admissions and the earning of a PhD presented themselves to me, I learned that it was not what I had thought it was AT ALL. In interviews I found myself playing a part - it was all about the professor who was interviewing me, not about me or my interests, and certainly not about the ways I thought my presence could improve the current research going on under their supervision.

No, it was about stroking egos. The psychology PhD had nothing to do with creativity and out-of-the-box thinking. They wanted newbies whose undying devotion would guarantee their citations in textbooks and journals forever. That's just not me. If you study the history of psychology you will see all sorts of alliances, dynasties, rebellions, slander, professional suicides. It's like a soap opera. Or the Roman Empire. I don't know if it's like that in other fields, but the drama in psychology is rampant and gratuitous.

So when they said "You don't really belong here," I flipped them the bird and said "You know what? You're right."

And now here I am, 2 years later, with the same job that allows me to work from home and raise my son. It requires no mindpower. There is no creativity. There is no room to really grow. But it allows me to focus on what is important for now.

When my son is grown, I want him to think of me as a creative person. Someone unique, who doesn't fit easily into a mold and who offers a different perspective on things than most. That is the Who I want to be. The What that will allow me to become that person has not yet revealed itself. Only time and the appearance of opportunity will tell.

The Sh*t Is Worth It

2011-01-21T13:05:00.000-05:00

D exploded this morning. And by "exploded" I mean blew up his diaper.

Yes, I am writing about poop.

No, I never thought poop would have a place for discussion on my blog. But here we are.

Now it was all the way up his back to his neck. His NECK, for god's sake! He was vertical all morning, not sure how that works. NASA should really look into the gravity-defying properties of poop, because man, is that stuff unequaled.

So I go to change him and as soon I take the diaper off, he PEES ALL. OVER. THE WALL.

GodDAMMIT.

I strip him down, throw the soiled clothes and stuff in the hamper, and then he PUKES on his bare chest.

MotherF*CKER.

I wipe him down, flip him over, clean off his back and neck, muttering to myself about pygmies and gypsies the whole time.

He rolls onto his back, butt-ass naked, toes in the air, junk all exposed, looks at me dead in the eye, smiles, and says for the first time:

"Mama."

Feeling Inclined To Share

2011-01-13T16:58:00.000-05:00

I know many of you could use an outlet such as this.

And I know many of you who can certainly appreciate an outlet such as this. (PhysioProf, here's looking at you ;) )

So check it out, and tell her I sent ya. Start with the "About" page if you don't know what a mushroom print is.

Mushroom Printing

Are All Men Really Pervs?

2011-01-12T17:00:00.000-05:00

Eek! A Male! Treating all men as potential predators doesn't make our kids safer.
By Lenore Skenazy

"Last week, the lieutenant governor of Massachusetts, Timothy Murray, noticed smoke coming out of a minivan in his hometown of Worcester. He raced over and pulled out two small children, moments before the van's tire exploded into flames. At which point, according to the AP account, the kids' grandmother, who had been driving, nearly punched our hero in the face.
Why?

Mr. Murray said she told him she thought he might be a kidnapper...."

Read the rest of this piece......

And if you're new to these parts but are iterested in reading more on this topic, please check out the following posts:
Book Review: Self-Made Man
Gender Differences in Sex Drive
Gender: A Question of Diagnosis?
Defining Manhood
Better Than Thou
Boys Don't Cry
The "Real" Female Fear

Books Read, Top Picks & Short Reviews 2010

2011-01-12T06:00:00.002-05:00

For those of you who are new to my little corner of the blogosphere, I have had the goal of reading 100 books in single year for a couple of years now. I haven't yet accomplished it, but I've been pretty close. The following is the list of books I read in 2010. Yes, I even keep track with a spreadsheet, I'm that level of dork.

My rating system goes from 1-5, 5 being best, and I include a few-word review of the book. I have chosen my top 5 reads from 2010 and those are highlighted accordingly. If you're an Amazon addict like I am and you are looking for some new books to read, do me a solid and click the links on my page to order the titles from Amazon so I can earn my $0.20 and Be Validated as a Real Blogger.

Some relevant notes as you scan through the list:

#1: I work in a children's literacy-related field, so there are some kids' books on the list. #2: I am obsessed with True Blood and therefore read the book series as well. #3: If "alright" is not enough of a review to satisfy you, please request via email or in the comments section and I will do a full review. #4: I read a lot of random shit.

Oh, and while you're at it, go ahead and click once on the Top Mommy Blogs banner to vote for me. I am currently ranked #688 and could seriously use some help. It can be your good deed for the day.

Here's the list:

1. Tales From The Crib by Jennifer Coburn. 3 Cute, light

2. The Bitch In The House by Cathi Hanauer 3.5 Worth reading but not a lot of substance

3. The Birth Order Effect for Couples by Cliff Isaacson 3.5 Interesting

4. What Do You Do All Day by Amy Scheibe 4 amusing

5. Damaged by Cathy Glass 4.5 Very good but frustrating at times ***TOP PICK***

6. The Yoga Mamas by Katherine Stewart 4 Cute

7. The Guy Not Taken by Jennifer Weiner 3 Alright

8. Ruined by Paula Morris 4 Very interesting, not quite what I expected

9. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak 5 Excellent book ***TOP PICK***

10. Something Blue (2nd time) by Emily Giffin 4 Favorite of mine

11. The Beach House by Jane Green 4 Pretty good

12. The Senator’s Wife by Sue Miller 2 Hated the entire plot of senator’s wife, boring

13. Waiter Rant by Steve Dublanica 4 Hilarious

14. The Necklace by Cheryl Jarvis 2 Pointless waste of my time, better if it was fiction.

15. Slummy Mummy by Fiona Neill 2 Started strong, became pointless and boring.

16. Heading Home With Your Newborn by Drs. Laura Jana & Jennifer Shu 4 Excellent guide, easy to follow and amusing at times.

17. I Am Legend by Richard Matheson 3 Overrated

18. The Girl Who Could Fly by Victoria Forester 4 Very cute story, X-Men & Heroes-type plot

19. Anxious Parents: A History of Childrearing in America by Peter Stearns 2 Boring conjecture, horribly edited, could have been much better.

20. Jane Eyre (4th time) by Charlotte Bronte 5 All-time favorite

21. We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver 5 Excellent, disturbing ***TOP PICK

22. Emotions Revealed by Paul Ekman 2 Not as much science or useful info as I had hoped

23. Cherry by Mary Karr 2 Started strong, became much less interesting

24. All Together Dead by Charlaine Harris 4 Pretty good

25. The Tao of Poop by Vivian Elizabeth Glyck 4 amusing, could have been longer

26. Jemima J by Jane Green 4 Pretty good

27. Sleeping Arrangements by Madeline Wickham 3.5 Entertaining, but something missing.

28. The Gatecrasher by Madeline Wickham 3.5 Entertaining, but infuriating characters

29. The Things We Do For Love by Kristin Hannah 4 Pretty good

30. Raising Cain: Protecting The Emotional Life of Boys by Dan Kindlon 3.5 Worth reading but could have gone much deeper

31. Isaac’s Storm by Erik Larson 4 Pretty good

32. Magic Hour by Kristin Hannah 3.5 Worth reading but not as much substance as could have been

33. The Second Shift by Arlie Hoschild 2 Dated and overrated

34. The Crescent City Lynchings by Tom Smith 2 Disappointing

35. Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain 5 Loved it ***TOP PICK***

36. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov 2 Well-written but too disturbing for my tastes

37. Becoming Attached by Robert Karen 3 Alright, more academic than anticipated

38. Bed Rest by Sarah Bilston 4 Pretty good

39. Mommy Tracked by Whitney Gaskell 3.5 Entertaining, but something missing.

40. As Hot As It Was You Ought To Thank Me by Nanci Kincaid 3 Alright

41. Watermelon by Marian Keyes 3 Writing style distracting, frustrating characters.

42. Dark Matter: The Private Life of Sir Isaac Newton by Philip Kerr 2 Contrived and boring.

43. Thunderstruck by Erik Larson 2.5 More boring and drawn out than expected.

44. Half-Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls 4.5 Very good ***TOP PICK

45. Your Baby’s First Year by American Pediatric Association 4 Useful

46. The Girlfriends’ Guide To Surviving The 1st Year of Motherhood by Vicki Iovine 4.5 Very good ***TOP PICK***

47. The Heart of the Matter by Emily Giffin 3 Disappointing

48. The Second Nine Months by Vicki Glembocki 4 Would recommend to a mom-to-be

49. Shanghai Girls by Lisa See 3.5 Good, but hated the ending.

50. The Lace Reader by Brunonia Barry 3 Alright

51. The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner 4 Interesting

52. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman 3 Overrated

53. High Fidelity by Nick Hornby 4.5 Very good, more unique than anticipated, almost exactly the same as the movie though

54. Three Little Words by Ashley Rhodes-Courter 4 Pretty good

55. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde 3 Alright

56. Diary of a Mad Mom-to-Be by Laura Wolf 4 Second time read

57. Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons by Lorna Ladvik 3.5 Much more depth than anticipated.

58. The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks 3 Overly ambitious

59. What To Expect The First Year by Heidi Murkoff 4 Useful

60. Baby 411 by Denise Fields 4 Useful

61. The Nursing Mother’s Companion by Kathleen Huggins 3 Disappointing

62. Me Of Little Faith by Lewis Black 3 Alright

63. Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner 3 Alright

64. From Dead To Worse by Charlaine Harris 4 Cute

65. F My Life by Maxine Valette et al 4 Hilarious

66. Scarlet Feather by Maeve Binchy 2 Contrived and boring, too many characters.

67. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll 3 Alright

68. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 2.5 Overrated and mostly boring.

69. Good Things I Wish You by A. Manette Ansay 2 Boring

70. The Lacemakers of Glenmara by Heather Barbieri 3.5 Worth reading but not a lot of substance

71. Look Again by Lisa Scottoline 4 Pretty good

72. The Gift of an Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison 3.5 Pretty good, not quite what I expected

What were YOUR top 5 books of 2010?

Dumpster Diving

2011-01-11T12:13:00.003-05:00

It's a good thing I'm not a germaphobe. See, my son has a walker that he absolutely loves. Now before all you crazies start telling me how it's "not safe" and "hinders development" and blah blah blah, check your facts and trust that he is never near a flight of stairs, and that n=2 does not a representative sample make.

I typically put him in it when I'm doing stuff in the kitchen such as preparing dinner, putting away dishes, all that domestic shit for which I am somehow responsible even though I also work full-time from home AND take care of the child. He enjoys tooling around the tile floor, terrorizing the cats, staring intently at the flow of water in their fountain kitty dish thing.

But his absolute favorite thing to do is a variation of this:

Fig 1: An accurate representation of my son's favorite kitchen activity.

Yes, he's a Dumpster Diver. A Trash Picker. He has knocked the goddamn thing over I don't even know how many times, gleefully pulling whatever he can get his little paws on out from the trash and then throwing it onto the floor. Fun times.

So my husband wired the thing underneath the countertop so it can't be tipped. Great, right? Sure, except now he scoots over to it in the walker and LICKS THE EDGE OF THE CAN.

GRRRRROOOOOSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Fig 2: No, that's not my son. But I'm afraid this is where he's headed if I let him.

So I took a picture of him doing it with my phone to show you folks, but it's at least a 15 step process to get it from the phone and onto blogger, and he isn't even licking the can in the picture so I decided it wasn't worth it.

What kinds of crazy shit does your child do?

Mommy Needs a GD Nap

2011-01-07T22:50:00.001-05:00

I started to write the post I really want to write the other day while D was down for a nap. I no sooner had typed the title in the appropriate box that I heard him wake up.

Dammit.

And then, the past few days have been straight. From. Hell.

My beautiful, darling child has had an amazing nap and sleep schedule for months now. I would typically get 3-4 short naps or 1-2 long ones every day, plus 7-8 hrs straight at night. I thrived on the predictability of his routine.

But then, this week he decided "Fuck this, Mama. I hate sleeping. I hate everything you do to try to get me to relax." And then he whines All. Damn. Day. Because he's overtired. And so am I. So we basically spend the day whining at each other.

It's great. Lots of discovery learning going on at my house. Grrrrrr........

2 hours of sleep last night for me total. No good naps for either of us today.

But he's asleep now, I hope to god he stays that way until at least 6am. In the meantime, I am going to bed. The post about my trash-picking tyke will have to wait another day.

I Love You, Doc.

2011-01-03T22:47:00.003-05:00

So I figure the only way to get back into the habit of blogging regularly is to just do it - to stop worrying about the readers I no longer have, whether or not what I want to blog about is interesting enough or funny enough, or whatever other stupid anxiety I have. Here goes nothing.

The baby (known to you folks as "D") had his 6-month check-up today with the pediatrician. This doctor, Dr. B., is also my primary care physician. I was all Norman Rockwell Nostalgic For The Days Of Family Doctors Who Know Your Life History Etc. when I decided that our entire family would go see her for everything.

That, and she's Awesome.

She's possibly as much as a decade older than I am, but I really don't believe it's by that much. She was pregnant at the same time I was and gave birth to her son in September. My son was born in June. In the same hospital. With almost exactly the same birth story, ending in a c-section.

When we go to see her, she gives me information that is a) generally accepted by the medical community, b) currently being researched, c) researched and found to be lacking, and d) what she would do for her own baby. She's positive, she listens, she isn't condescending, and she doesn't act like a know-it-all.

Like I said, she is Awesome.

Ever since I found out she was pregnant, I began to have these delusional images of us hanging out outside of the medical practice. You know, having "baby dates" and such. It's like I have a Girl Crush. Or maybe a Mom Crush....? Nah, that seems like a bad google search waiting to happen.

But every time we go for an appointment I chicken out before asking her if she ever "hangs out" with patients. I mean, I don't want to be the Weird Mom Who Asked Out The Doc. So today I swore to myself I would at least put some feelers out there to assess the possibility. (Again, sounding dirty.....yikes.)

I made some small talk about her baby, she told me about a few gifts he got for Christmas including these (which now I want for my son):

And so I asked "What does his Dad do?" because I was genuinely curious and expected her to say something either totally unexpected like "he works construction," or totally anticipated like "molecular biologist." What she actually said was....

"Oh, I'm not married. I'm doing this on my own."

I responded with the words that popped into my head immediately: "Wow! Good for you! That's awesome!"

I am so lame.

Because as her baby screams from the next room where she nurses him in-between patients, I'm sure she's thinking "Isn't this so awesome???"

I'm surprised I didn't throw in a "Girl Power!" and a high-five. FML.

So now I'm even MORE enthralled with this woman, because she grows even more fascinating to me with every visit. Now I want to ask how other people tend to react when they find out she's doing it on her own, did she use a sperm donor, how did she choose said sperm donor, how is she finding working with the baby in tow because I do it at home and it sucks but at least she has a nanny, etc., etc., etc.

Dr. B., you're just so much damn cooler than me.

Ummm......can we maybe hang out sometime?

Seven Truths

2010-12-22T11:56:00.005-05:00

I am so out of practice in my written communication skills it isn't even funny. It is, however, amazing to consider how not that long ago I was writing papers every day for class, cover letters and essays for grad school admissions, blogging almost daily - I was so used to expressing myself and conveying ideas through the written word that I would send my husband berating e-mails instead of arguing with him in-person. lol

But now, as I reflect back on 2010, I realize that I have not written much of anything at all in a very long time, "baby poop journal" aside. So I ask for your patience as I blow the dust off my keyboard, crack my knuckles, and try to jumpstart the side of my brain that contains vocabulary words beyond "nappy nap," "cutie patootie," and "swingy-dingy."

There are many things I want to blog about, but in order to keep myself focused I am going to restrict myself here to the things I learned this year that I think might be helpful to other moms-to-be and new moms. So here goes:

1. Giving birth is a lesson in letting go of control and expectations. I knew going in that I would have no idea what could or would happen so I never bothered with a birth plan or anything like that. Even then, the last thing I expected was a c-section, yet that's what I had to have after 23 hours of labor. As disappointing as that was, I had to get over it in the face of knowing that 50+ years ago, my baby and I would probably both have died during childbirth. The c-section saved both our lives.

2. Breastfeeding is not just hard, it is painful. Not one book I read in advance of motherhood prepared me for that. They all hint at "discomfort" but say nothing of curling your toes and blinking back tears even when your baby latches properly. They certainly say nothing of this lasting for 4-5 weeks. It would have been helpful to know this so I wouldn't have felt like I was doing something wrong. La Leche League - you could do a better job at preparing women with realistic expectations. I was okay after finding out it was normal and that it would end. Thank god for the Babyfit.com message boards, that's all I have to say.

3. The most commonly heard and read advice to stay in the hospital as long as you can so you can catch up on your rest is bullshit. They wake you up every 45 mins to an hour for stupid shit like blood pressure and temp readings, cleaning the floors, bringing meals, changing linens, checking the baby, etc. I couldn't sleep for anything. It was only after being home for a couple of weeks that I actually began to catch up on my sleep.

4. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty or badly for any of the choices you make, no matter how big or small they are. It is YOUR child, and at the end of the day we're all just doing the best we can to make it through and keep our kids healthy and safe.

5. Try not to get caught up in "shoulds" and "oughts." I cried on my second day in the hospital when the doctors said we had to give my son formula and the lactation consultant "tskd" at me for allowing them to show us how to finger-feed. I knew that I "should" breastfeed, but he had a fever and the doctors said he needed it - fuck her for making me feel caught in the middle of a battle between "breast is best" and the medical community. My son is still 99% breastfed, but I'll be damned if I'm going to feel guilty for giving him a bottle of formula every now and then.

6. None of us are perfect. If we get caught up in striving for perfection we will only find ourselves isolated and lonely. Some of us find ourselves feeling that way anyway. Parenting isn't a contest or a race. My son will never fault me for not giving him enough tummy time when he was a baby, but hopefully he will flourish from the cuddles, hugs, kisses, and snuggles he receives almost constantly.

7. And lastly, I heard the most profound and true quote about motherhood the other day: "The days are long, but the years are short." Try to keep things in perspective and remember that some day, sooner than we would all like, our children will be too big for our laps, too independent for carrying, too impatient for our stories, and too busy to call or visit. This doesn't mean you should be a martyr in the meantime. Instead, keep in mind that motherhood is the most ordinary yet profound role you will likely play in this life, but someday the most all-encompassing aspects of it will come to an end.

That's it for now. I will return soon on a lighter note with tales of hilarity from our New House Misadventures & Mishaps, the list of the 73 books I actually read this year (even though I didn't make it to 100), the birth story (for those interested), and as usual, Random Ramblings.

Happy & Safe Holidays to everyone!

Addicted to Watching These...

2010-12-21T13:37:00.001-05:00

Man, It's Been Awhile

2010-11-27T22:44:00.002-05:00

But I have an excuse!

Back in June I gave birth to a healthy baby boy and so I have no time to blog - at least for now. But I promise I will be back! Then I can add parenting and home improvement to my list of topics. That's right, we bought a house too! Just moved in a couple weeks ago.

As for my reading 100 books this year, I am only at 73 so it looks like I'm going to come up short again in 2010. But at least I have an excuse!

This Is a Big Fucking Deal

2010-02-25T16:16:00.003-05:00

http://www.physorg.com/news186052453.html

My job requires me to enter schools all across New England on a daily basis. I see the "This is a nut-free zone!" signs all over the place. I hear the tales of woe about the lack of homemade baked goods allowed for birthday celebrations because something "may" have touched a peanut.

The rates of food allergies in children increased twofold in a period of 5 years. I've been scratching my head as an armchair scientist wondering WTF is going on. 6 months pregnant and with a pistachio habit that just won't quit, I find myself having little freakouts: "Wait - exposure is GOOD, right? Like allergy shots? Or am I slowly and quietly hurting my baby through snack food?" And of course, no one fucking knows so the children are coddled like precious glass dolls and the parents point fingers and get all self-righteous.

So PLEASE. Read the article and spread around some common sense and knowledge worth having.

I'm Not Going To Make It

2010-02-23T10:44:00.003-05:00

My goal of reading 100 books between 3/1/09 and 3/1/10, that is. I'm going to finish around 81-83 instead, which certainly isn't bad.

But still. I blame Proust. I spent 2 weeks reading Swann's Way.

I will be publishing the list of books I read and very brief ratings of each once 3/1 comes and goes.

I have kept my list of '09 and '10 books separate so I can start the goal over again and do a 1/1-12/31 goal for this year. Though I probably won't make it, seeing as I have a baby boy showing up here in June, I'm sure as hell going to try.